Jesus teaches that we are to always forgive and that the only unforgivable sin is a sin against The Holy Spirit. In fact, that sin is the 'sin unto death' and is specified in several passages of the Synoptic Gospels. Aquinas identifies them as despair, presumption, a firm determination to never repent and a kind of general rejection of God's Love. I hope never to commit that or any sin that keeps me from heaven. I am grateful I live the Sacramental Life Jesus provides so that if I fall, I can find the grace of forgiveness.
When it comes to forgiveness, Jesus asks one thing of me - He asks for my repentance. It is not enough to simply carry on as though I didn't hurt Him. I must admit my fault, ask for forgiveness and then do my utmost to not commit the same sin again. The real gift, therefore, is His Mercy because it is infinite. I have never been denied absolution when I admit my sins. No priest has ever said, "Look, you did the same thing last week...I am not going to absolve you of this sin ever again so knock it off". Rather, I have been counseled as to how to not do it again - to avoid it and its near occasion - but if I fall again and I am truly ashamed and sorry then I receive His Mercy once more time.
I guess that is what I have to become - a fount of infinite mercy. That is what I struggle with - how to be Christ Like.
I feel like Jeremiah. God has duped me, but I allowed myself to be duped. I told the Truth and now I am the outcast. I am rejected by my own kind. I should be grateful I haven't been thrown down a cistern.
I faltered. I sinned. I was told to repent, to make amends. I did. In the end that didn't matter.
I want to be someone who shows mercy, but quite frankly?
It scares me.
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