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Sunday, January 27, 2013

I Never Know What to Say

There have been some changes in my life this past week.  Some of those changes are good.  I am in the beginning phases of discerning a call to be a Lector.  To that end I have had some training and I will proclaim the readings for the first time next Sunday at the 1030am Mass - or, as I would like to call it, the High Holy Superbowl Mass.  I would like to call it that but, of course, I would not dare to do so.

Being a Lector seems to fit with my charism of preaching and teaching, which is why I feel so at home in the Dominican Order.  Women cannot preach at Mass; however, we can echo back the Faith and we can proclaim the Word and that will be another way for me to fulfill my charism.

The other change that happened is that the new boss I have has made it very clear that I do not fit into her vision of where the division is heading.  It has made me sad because I was considered a valued member of the team under the former manager.  This one, however, doesn't like me.  I am too tough in terms of wanting people to be at work on time and I am too friendly towards her in my emails which show a lack of personal respect for her as the manager.

I am sort of stuck for at least another 13 or 14 months.  I can start preparing for retirement and I could retire a year from March 31 this year.  If I retired March 31 2014 I could claim 27 years but I would only be 58 years old. I cannot touch my 457 account without penalty until I am 59.

Anyway, all kinds of things could happen between now and then.  I am disappointed, of course, because I thought I had hit the jackpot with my former boss. She is a Protestant with a Catholic husband, funny, let me be the supervisor, did not make fun of me or other people if she disagreed with them..it was just a different atmosphere.  This one is a bit cruel - kind of like one of those 'Mean Girls' from High School days and quite frankly at the age of 57 I am too dang old for that kind of thing.

Matt came and had dinner with Mom and I the day the Niners clinched the Superbowl slot.  He also called me yesterday.  I am not sure about this whole thing as I may not be good marriage material.  I am emotional.  I am a Niner fan.  I am shy.  I get my feelings hurt easily.  I don't know...he may be better off with someone a bit more emotionally mature than this weirdo.

Ah well. Look, I think maybe I am just feeling a little down.  I am happy my team is in the Superbowl and I am really happy to have a job.  I look fabulous in terms of being healthy and fit.  I have a Scotty dog who loves me and three cats who allow me to feed them and pet them and they will occasionally give me an affectionate head butt.

Life is ok.  I mean it.  Yes, it could be better but I have a safe place to be Catholic and I am sober.  Life is solid.

Thank you Jesus.

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