I am a Better Woman Today

 The past weeks have been up and down, crazy busy and full of both laughter and tears. I believe I just described life in general.  I have been living life and enjoying life and wanting the most out of life and grabbing what I can from, well, LIFE.

Nothing would be any good, however, if I did not learn something.  Every day I get a chance to observe, listen and then make a decision as to what remains in my life and what gets removed.  

As I approach my 70th birthday, I am reminded that milestones like this one matter.  If I am the same person I was at 65 then I have wasted five years I will never get back.  I am happy to report that I am not the same woman I was five years ago.  I am a better woman today.

There are people who would disagree with that statement.  The ones who would disagree are people I have only the base line of respect for - I acknowledge their humanity and their inherent dignity as creatures of The Creator but I do not want them in my house, around my Scottish Terriers or near my car at night.  They are untrustworthy, dishonorable humans.  I wish them well and hold them in prayer.

I am a better woman today.  I learned something this past ten days about someone and now I will approach my relationship with them in a different manner.  Do they get a second chance?  Oh hell no...I am a better woman, not a stupid one, and they demonstrated their inner character.  I take note, I smile, I love them and now? I guard my heart.  They cannot be trusted with information.

I am a better woman today.  I have watched people the past five years demonstrate their eagerness to shoot for the moon.  They work so hard, never let their children down, are intelligent in their analysis of what goes on in the world. Those people are now in my wheelhouse of friends. That's what I want around me. 

I am a better woman today. My relationship with God and His Church is solid and not dictated by who is Pope or president of my country.  When I pray, I feel His Presence. When I worship it is not about me, it is about Him. When I get scared or anxious, He comforts me. I finally understand St Therese of Lisieux writing about crawling into the lap of her Heavenly Father and what that means.  

Being the Last One Standing has helped.  While I am so grateful for the extended family I have, knowing that the three that were the ones who shaped me have gone on ahead changes a person. I am changed.  I am not the same.

 I am a better woman today.

Happy Mother's Day!

 Happy Mother's Day and yes, even after five years I still miss my Mom.

She would have just loved what I am doing right now with these puppies.  She would have LOVED Nicole and Adrian and Joanne would have a new Mom. 

I have deep sympathy for those men and women who did not have good mothers.  I have met so many of them!  The majority were damaged by alcohol and drugs and all the ugliness that goes with it. However, a few I have met really had mothers who were mentally ill but undiagnosed.  They truly suffered as children. To meet them today and see how they live lives of quiet dignity it a testament to the Human Spirit.

It is also difficult to be my age and no one's mother.  Oh, listen - I am profoundly grateful for my role as a spiritual mother and I do not dismiss the impact I have had on people.  Still, there is always that tiny little ache in the depth of my heart.  It is my cross and I get to carry it.  

Mother's Day is a secular holiday but I do think it is a good thing to stop, ponder and give thanks to the women who raised us.  And, if we were not blessed with good women who raised us it is important to think of some woman in our lives who has given us the love and acceptance every human needs.

Happy Mother's Day.  

Habemus Papam!

 On May 8th, 2025 the Holy Spirit directed the College of Cardinals to elect our new Holy Father.  Cardinal Robert Prevost, born in Chicago in September of 1955, is now Pope Leo the 14th. Our first American Pope.

I had prayed for a new Leo the 13th.   I had prayed for that because I believe our current world needs just that kind of Pope.  We need someone strong in doctrine but looking to clean house and reform those areas of the Catholic Church that need to be reformed.  

The MAGA Catholics will be disappointed.  The Far Left Catholics will be disappointed.  The Catholics like me, who have been vilified and made to feel unwanted because we love both the Tradition of our Faith and see the need for better catechesis, better outreach and a Church that stands strong in the face of the ugly world in which we live are happy.  I have had three people this week reach out to me about returning to Mass.  I have been able to say, "You are one Confession away from receiving Our Lord in the Eucharist.  Welcome home".

I know little about our new Pope, other than he is of the Augustinian Order.  They are a bit younger than the Dominicans but grounded in Truth.  

Pope Leo the 13th gave us the Saint Michael's Prayer.  I would suggest we all pray it again, after each Mass we attend, as he asked us to do as a way to honor him and to bolster our Church.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil.  May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, o Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the Power of God, cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the earth seeking the ruin of souls.  Amen.

Pope Francis Has Gone on Ahead

 Pope Francis passed into eternal life on Easter Monday, April 21st.  He had a final audience with the King of England and his Consort and our own Vice President, J.D. Vance.  

Francis will have a complicated legacy.  He was all about mercy and reconciliation and that means challenging those of us who love the Dogma of The Church to learn to apply Her Teachings with those two principles - mercy and in the spirit of reconciliation.  And let's face it - that ain't easy.  I fall short all the time because of the people in my own parish who let me down, hurt me and cast me aside.  I have moved from shock, to hate, to sadness, to reconciling that God did for me what I didn't even know I needed done - He removed me from a toxic atmosphere and said, "Now, go be Catholic Out Loud in My world."  

I will tell you that I struggle with the ultra right and the ultra left of Catholicism.  Both sides make my teeth hurt.  Trying to live the Teachings and understand the nuances and reject the silliness both sides of the spectrum present as truth can be exhausting.  Withdrawing from parish life and concentrating on remaining physically sober and spiritually fit within the confines of Holy Mother Church has helped.  I just cannot bring any of those people too close because I am just not good enough to love them despite their hardline stance of Right or Left.  So I hold them at arm's length emotionally and beg God for the grace to love them in spite of my failings. 

The Sacraments help.  The grace provided by a Sacramental Life gives me courage to be my Dominican Self - to see the both/and of a situation and to keep trying to love the unlovable..no matter who they are and who they cling to in this earthly life.  They are as wounded as the rest of us.....God loves them too....He loves them no matter how hard they make it to love them.....I want to be like that because I know I make it hard for Him to love me as well....

My wicked sense of humor and desire to poke holes in balloons will keep me out of heaven and in purgatory for a long, long time.

I will pray for Francis....I sure hope he will pray for me.

Dream Achieved - or At Least It's Begun

 When I lost my Duffy when he was only 8 years old, I decided I really wanted to learn how to be a responsible breeder of Scottish Terriers.  

Ten years later, I have my first litter.  Two fat little Scottish Terrier pups (named for some favorites in the Niner Universe) - one male and one female.  One is a Brindle, the other Black.  

My Lola, the mama of these two little porkers, is doing well considering she is a maiden bitch.  It is her first litter, it is my first litter and together we are surrounded by amazing people helping us out one day (or night) at a time.

I achieved the start of my dream.  

And yes, as you might guess, it is bittersweet.

My immediate family is gone.  I have imagined what it would be like right now if they were alive.

My Mom would, of course, be pitching in any way she could.  She'd be taking turns watching the pups, helping with fundamental feeding, looking stuff up in Encyclopedias about Dog Birthing...anything she could do? She'd do.

My Dad would be sitting in the livingroom, questioning everything I was doing and telling all my friends that he was the one who got me into Dog Breeding in the first place.  He'd be telling tall tales about his exploits in the AKC and having a great time.  Dad would never let an opportunity to steal thunder or tell a tall tale go to waste.

My Brother would be criticizing everything I had bought - the whelping bed, the mats, the puppy pads - and telling me that he and his wife just let a dog be a dog and that I was making too big a deal out of it.

In other words, only my Mom would have been supportive - so tell me why I miss my Dad and my Brother?

I think this whole experience is teaching me the true meaning of 'Life Goes On'.  I am doing what I wanted to do, what I worked towards doing and I am learning as much as I can so the next one I can do better.  I am doing it without the normal folderol.  Instead I am truly standing on my own.

Of course I have wonderful family members congratulating me and such dear, DEAR friends supporting me.  I am NOT doing this all alone and I am so grateful to all of them: Joanne, Danica, Nicole, Adrian, Pam....ALL of them....they have been so good to me while I stumble and cry and laugh my way through this new adventure.

I am amazed....and I am only half way through this maze of newness....but I am already amazed.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me do this - you know exactly who you are....and I love you.