Before I go any further, tomorrow (Mar 12) is Jillian Rose's 9th birthday. May Our Lady hold her close and keep her safe...may her Guardian Angel never leave her and May Jesus Christ rule her life, one day at a time.
I just found a blog entitled Catholic in Film School. Written by a 19 year old living in Southern California, it gives me a tremendous amount of hope. Because acting and writing are my first real loves (OK - my only loves, let's be real) I am always wondering if it will be worth it to try and get back into the game once I retire. While my ingenue days are over, I am not one of those older women who think 50 is the new 40 (no it is not. 50 is 50. Now leave me alone). So I am hoping that there will be room for me as a character actor.
Brushing up on basic skills is my first priority and so I plan on taking acting lessons. What I care about, however, is making an artistic contribution that puts God first.
At my age the pressure is off. I don't have to worry about trying to make an actual living at acting anymore because I derailed my life and ended up working as a civil servant for over 25 years. As sad as that may seem, it also means that God provided me with a future income and medical insurance.
Not bad for a loser like me.
Anyway, it was great finding her blog. I left her a message. We'll see what happens.
I am trying so hard to banish the depression. The actions of LOM have really upset me. It was suggested to me today that the reason he always seems to pop up whenever I post at The Hive is because he has my screen name on google alert.
That is creepy but it is not as creepy as I first thought - I had this mental picture of him hunched over his computer, wearing only crusty boxer shorts and eating top ramen out of the pan, glued with glassy eyes to The Hive website waiting for me to post.
The idea that he just has my screen name on google alert somehow gives me hope for the guy - at least he must be getting out of the house once in awhile.
My prayer is still about listening to Jesus and trying to hear what He wants me to do. I know I did not do wrong by asking Jeff for help but what I don't know is whether or not his intervention will do any good. What I want to make clear to Jesus is that whatever He wants me to do about the fear this crazy guy has inspired in me I am willing to do. I want to walk free, with grace and dignity, and since that means staying off that website and just waiting to see how Jeff's attempt at reasoning with LOM pans out then fine. I will.
I feel sorry for his daughter. Abs got is right between the eyes from a bunch of the 'not real jerky but a little goofy' group that is there. She held her own though - without my help. I cannot sign on right now to that site. It is just too dangerous.
Lord, keep me close to You during this time. Allow me to relax and wait and listen for Your instructions. Help me to be the woman I am supposed to be rather than the one I think I want to be right now...because, as we all know, that changes every week.
Depending on the weather.