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Friday, April 24, 2009

I am so tired

Every day another woman dies from domestic violence. The cycle of drugs, alcohol, goes on and on and on...and then someone tries to make a break for it and she ends up stabbed to death in front of her children.

Sometimes, I cannot bear it. I think of the people abusing the system and playing at getting help and my teeth hurt.

More and more I find myself just wanting to withdraw from the world. I know there are good men out there - I have met them, loved them and I have mothered two potential good men - but I just get so tired of the endless parade of victims.

Women go for water outside their refugee camp and are gang raped by soldiers.

Women try to get clean and sober in Modesto and are stabbed by the father of their children.

A woman tries to talk about being post-abortive on The Hive and is shouted down by MEN calling her a 'Hate Mongerer'...what are they afraid of? That someone will actually remind them that for every mother who aborts her baby a father loses his child too?

The cycle of violence goes on and on and on - and somehow, we got the idea that our freedom from bondage was linked to our ability to have sex with anyone we wanted, whenever we wanted, without consequences. In other words, my generation was sold a bill of goods: freedom will come when you can behave like IMMORAL men, not women of grace and dignity. We were told that we had to be sexually liberated in order to be financially liberated, well educated, spiritually sound - but the 'liberation' that was touted out to us was not freedom; rather, it was license and with that license came pain, depression, drug abuse, dead or abused children. Well, goody goody for us. Aren't we just the vanguard of freedom.

No one in this world seems to be able to bring the pendulum to the middle - we either swing WWWAAAYYY to the left or WWWAAAYYYY to the right. Somehow, we lost the idea that a woman could be allowed to be truly feminine and still be a CEO, a soldier, a teacher, executive...whatever. Why did it also have to be linked to our genitals?

I just feel so sad tonight. I am sad at the lack of understanding, the lack of compassion, the inability of the world to be really able to accommodate freedom in the authentic sense. I am so tired of middle-aged men screaming at me that being able to have an abortion is somehow a 'right' that must be 'protected' when that right is responsible for the destruction of the female in Western Society.

I can absolutely understand a woman who does not believe as I do deciding she will not marry, that she will conduct her private life with discretion and taste and face the consequences of that choice without flinching or demanding that she be told she is ok, just as she is in the here and now. I may not agree with it, but I have more respect for her than I do a LOM demanding that I admit that truth is relative, that abortion on demand is a right and that my Church promotes the worship of human beings. I will not behave the way HE wants me to behave just so he can feel comfortable calling himself a Christian when he promotes the killing of innocent babies, the destruction of the female soul and psyche - and he can bad mouth me all he wants; I will not be his rubber doll.

Oh well.

And my heart breaks for the children of Kat, a woman trying to change her life and be a lady....only to end up in a pool of blood on the floor of a cheap motel where she was hiding from a man who told her he loved her.

Why do they insist on loving us to our graves?

1 comment:

chimakuni said...

My sweet sister - I place my heart around you, surrounding you in love and compassion. Sometimes, sometimes this world is all just too much to take in. Be of good cheer to know that you CARE, you are in good company. How sad is the person who cannot bring themselves to feel or care.

Romans 5:3-5

"...we also boast of our sufferings, knowing that suffering brings endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us."

Our hope is in the Lord, the author, the giver of life who is the giver of consolation. May you cling to Him in your tiredness and permit Him to renew you.

I love you!