Whenever I go to the chapel, I put myself in the presence of our good Lord, and I say, "Lord, I am here. Tell me what you would have me do." - Saint Catherine Laboure (1806-1876)
There are times when I think my life could not be any worse. There are days when I know my life could not get any better. Both times sometimes collide. This means, apparently, that I am normal beyond normalcy and just another one of God's kids trying to make her way in the world.
I just noticed that Robert - who I hope makes another run for City Council in Modesto because he makes others sit up and take notice - and Helen are following my blog. There will be reports back to the troops I am sure. That's cool. I write because I must - does that not sound noble? Actually, it is just very, very self indulgent. However, considering how I used to indulge myself I really do not care any more if my being self indulgent by watching myself think outloud is wrong or not. I guess I have been through so much in my life, buried and said good-bye to so many I loved, watched things change for both the better and the worse, I just cannot get too upset if everyone back at The Hive is alerted to my rantings over here. Besides, being on the internet means no more real privacy. And I am never in town long enough any more to be a moving target. The last time someone tried to make me a target they ended up talking to my mom, drunk, at 3 am and I doubt they will EVER do that again.....I think she scared them sober. I fully expect to see the one I suspect lurching into a meeting one day, afraid to look me in the eye.
I spent yesterday (after I got home) on the phone with a women from Merced. She had been sober 30 years .... THIRTY YEARS. She had, as of yesterday, three hours since her last drink and I don't think she made it. I tried calling her twice to check on her but no answer and no return call. I passed on her number to friends I have in that area and I hope they all connected. My prayers go out to J in Merced. To drink again after thirty years sober - how sad and lonely she must feel right now.
That would not be me....I guarantee you that if I was to get drunk again I would NEVER go back to my meetings and try again. My ego is too damn big. I would be too ashamed. Instead, because of my pride, I would end up a lonely drunken woman living a half-life until the liquor killed me. I have a lot of admiration for J.
I am so thankful today for being sober, for having a sense of humor and not having to take myself so darn seriously and because I got to spend a day with my family and it was FUN.
Jillian Rose wore her Easter outfit. She wanted to look nice for Thanksgiving. On Saturday she is coming to do a sleepover and then go have breakfast with Santa Claus after Mass on Sunday. We are taking Stephen shopping for his birthday present and I may surprise Jillian with a little outfit for Mass on Sunday.
But for now I only want to say, "Thank you, Lord, for this day". I am going to go to bed now. Tomorrow I am going to cook MY turkey, go to a meeting and just be a veggie burger all day long!
2 comments:
I like you, your strength, your testimony and your blog - that is why I am following you.
UH - then Robert, you may have to also put up with my big mouth...sorry to sound so snarky! May I blame it on too much TURKEY?
BTW - you let me know when you are running again...I think people could stand some middle of the road progressive politics in this town. We might sneak decency by them without them realizing it.
OH NO ANOTHER SNARKY COMMENT...what is WRONG with me this week!
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