Whenever I go to the chapel, I put myself in the presence of our good Lord, and I say, "Lord, I am here. Tell me what you would have me do." - Saint Catherine Laboure (1806-1876)
There are times when I think my life could not be any worse. There are days when I know my life could not get any better. Both times sometimes collide. This means, apparently, that I am normal beyond normalcy and just another one of God's kids trying to make her way in the world.
I just noticed that Robert - who I hope makes another run for City Council in Modesto because he makes others sit up and take notice - and Helen are following my blog. There will be reports back to the troops I am sure. That's cool. I write because I must - does that not sound noble? Actually, it is just very, very self indulgent. However, considering how I used to indulge myself I really do not care any more if my being self indulgent by watching myself think outloud is wrong or not. I guess I have been through so much in my life, buried and said good-bye to so many I loved, watched things change for both the better and the worse, I just cannot get too upset if everyone back at The Hive is alerted to my rantings over here. Besides, being on the internet means no more real privacy. And I am never in town long enough any more to be a moving target. The last time someone tried to make me a target they ended up talking to my mom, drunk, at 3 am and I doubt they will EVER do that again.....I think she scared them sober. I fully expect to see the one I suspect lurching into a meeting one day, afraid to look me in the eye.
I spent yesterday (after I got home) on the phone with a women from Merced. She had been sober 30 years .... THIRTY YEARS. She had, as of yesterday, three hours since her last drink and I don't think she made it. I tried calling her twice to check on her but no answer and no return call. I passed on her number to friends I have in that area and I hope they all connected. My prayers go out to J in Merced. To drink again after thirty years sober - how sad and lonely she must feel right now.
That would not be me....I guarantee you that if I was to get drunk again I would NEVER go back to my meetings and try again. My ego is too damn big. I would be too ashamed. Instead, because of my pride, I would end up a lonely drunken woman living a half-life until the liquor killed me. I have a lot of admiration for J.
I am so thankful today for being sober, for having a sense of humor and not having to take myself so darn seriously and because I got to spend a day with my family and it was FUN.
Jillian Rose wore her Easter outfit. She wanted to look nice for Thanksgiving. On Saturday she is coming to do a sleepover and then go have breakfast with Santa Claus after Mass on Sunday. We are taking Stephen shopping for his birthday present and I may surprise Jillian with a little outfit for Mass on Sunday.
But for now I only want to say, "Thank you, Lord, for this day". I am going to go to bed now. Tomorrow I am going to cook MY turkey, go to a meeting and just be a veggie burger all day long!