Humility, with dash of Humor, added to some courage and some self-pity and you get:
(heard at a 12-step study during a reading on humility):
"Humility is the ability to say grace before eating crow."
Ah, yes...humility. How many of us can remember times of humiliation but have a difficult time thinking about how we manifest the virture of humility in our lives?
Well, sign me up as first on the list of being a person who struggles with humility. And do not bother to point out to me the irony of being first among those who do not think they are humble. I get it, ok? I really get it.
In my 12 step program, humility is defined as having a clear understanding of where I am in life, seeing the goal to which I should aspire and then recognizing the gap between the two. In other words, not to expect myself to be perfect (as my Heavenly Father is Perfect) but knowing that one of my daily goals should be to try for that perfection. St Therese of Liseux developed her theology of 'Little Ways' in that we can try for that perfection in all the little things we do, from washing a dish to driving to work to making a bed or saying hello to our neighbor. To take those actions in love and to try to make that the best darn wave and hello the neighbor has ever gotten in their LIFE is to do God's Will.
I have to share something funny....I had missed my Tuesday telephone call to my sponsor and had not remembered until 11:30pm that night. I immediately sent her an "I apologize" email and caught her up on what was up with me. Last night, as I prepared to turn out the light and go to sleep (around 2am) I said a prayer to my Guardian Angel and to St Michael to please not let me oversleep this morning so that I miss the telephone call time again (it's at 9:30am Tues and Thurs). At 9:00am the doorbell rang and my mom was in the bathroom and did not hear it. It woke me up. It was my brother with Jillian's medicine (she has a bladder infection - again) and he was very apologetic about waking me up. I told him it was ok. I had to find Mom. I went back to my bed, thinking "I'll just close my eyes for a minute" and the phone rang. No one answered by the third ring so I picked it up....it was Ryan calling for Grandma and she was outside with John. I had to go get her. By that time it was 9:15am so I thought, "Oh heck, just get up". I was not grumpy or anything, just kind of resigned...and then I remembered my prayer! So I stopped and said, 'Thank you so much, Lord, for commanding my angels to take such good care of me today." And I was able to make my telephone call on time!
I also discovered that the Northside Fellowship will be moving to a new location - about 1/2 mile up the road from my house! I may be able to make more meetings, even with this goofy schedule I have, once they move so close. God is good, even when I am not looking.
I got to see everyone at my homegroup last night and it felt so wonderful. My tooth hardly hurts at all today and I have time to read email, wash my hair, look nice for work and maybe even get myself a treat at Starbucks - like a skinny Latte.....
My sponsor told me to not countdown days to retirement anymore but to just think about being in service to the County one day at a time.
I am going to do that.....and I am so grateful for the people who stuck by me during my days of self pity around this schedule change. I hope I did not run anyone off...but if I did, know that when it is your turn for self pity time, I am hear to listen..and I won't run away.