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Monday, January 21, 2008

Trust in the Fast Lane of Life

I am continuing the prayers to St Anthony every day. I notice that I have never received a reply from V or E on my email regarding the sloppy auditing practices but it is the weekend so perhaps they have not seen the suggestions I made yet.
I got a chance this weekend to run what happened by Giselle and Cheryl. I don't get to SEE Cheryl as much but she is one of my sorority sisters from CAL and very smart and has LOTS of experience managing and supervising and blah blah blah. One thing I got from our conversation was a way to 'cya' in this situation. She said, "bring V into the 'how do you want this fixed?' conversation by mentioning that fixing it will make sure she and I are covered in case something like this ever happens again." Cheryl suggested that, if V wants to bring the other supervisor in that'll be her choice but that I need to remember that it could very well have BEEN the other supervisor who perpetrated the theft.
Oh golly I hope not - I don't want to think of the game of mirrors that has been going on if that is true.
I am also praying for that miracle. Wouldn't it be FABULOUS if the money was found in another envelope, stuck in the drawer somewhere, fallen behind the files....or if it just magically appeared back where it was supposed to be in the first place? We could put new procedures into place to prevent it from happening again and then....
ok, but how does this fit into a Quiet Consecration?
I believe one of my biggest faults is I have a tendency to completely trust God. If I am going to believe that nothing happens in His Universe by mistake, I must be willing to let this play out in whatever way it is destined to play out. Yes, I protect myself. I honestly answer the questions and I offer to put a new procedure in place for the office but if I am held responsible for this loss of money it is God's Will. If I lose my job and have to 'retire' early, it is God's Will. If I do not and yet nothing is done to shore up the leaks in this part of the office procedure then I have to trust that God has a plan for the office as well as for ME. Does that make sense?
So, if I am going to live my life quietly dedicated to Him and His Work, I have to be willing to say Thank you God, for my life today EXACTLY as it is and I would not change a thing even if I could".
I continue to take care of myself, trying to lose weight and stay healthy. I continue my prayer discipline and my devotions. I continue my service work and I TRUST that life is happening as it should even when it is horribly uncomfortable or seeminly sad.
Maybe it is the Catholic Pollyanna attitude - finding a reason for gladness in the midst of sadness - that I need to ask for help on from God. I think, if I can firmly set my sights on heaven and place that trust where it belongs, I will be a LOT happier...even if I am only a LITTLE thinner.
The meeting went well. Giselle drove down with me. Cheryl could not come because she banged her poor head on a car bumper.
Don't ask.

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