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Sunday, January 20, 2008

The loss continues

As of this morning I have lost 14 pounds with Nutri System. I am so messed up on my time and sleep that I don't know when to eat breakfast and when to eat dinner. However, it is working and that's all I care about for right now. I have one more month of food coming and if I can get about 25 or 30 pounds off that would be fine.
Suzanne Pleshette died. I have a funny memory of her. When I was an actress in LA back in the 1980's there was a department store in Westwood that put on Fashion shows for the ladies at lunch time. I would work at the bank and go to lunch there. The lunches were really cheap and you got to see this parade of cool clothes.
One day I was asked if I would mind doubling up with someone because they needed to eat in a hurry. I said no problem - and it was Suzanne Pleshette!
She was gorgeous and funny and absolutely kind. She sat and talked with me for an hour while we ate salad and watched dresses and pants suits float by - a genuine person. She set me up for a reading on a show a friend or relative was producing and I ended up with two or three jobs from that contact. She had this great whisky voice and we sat there in this department store smoking cigarets, drinking wine and 'talking shop'.
Those are the types I should have hung out with in Hollywood - but I was too scared and too needy. I was needy in the sense that I wanted to feel accepted and yet superior at the same time (not that I would have known that then) so you cannot hang with other confident, wonderful women if you need to feel better than they do in order to feel average.
One of the hardest parts of explaining alcoholism is that it is NOT simply the physical side of addiction. Yes, it is important that the person be physically dependent upon alcohol but if all it means to recover is to be alcohol free then shoot, stop drinking. It's like me having to deal with not overeating. If all I need to do is stop eating too much then shoot, stop it. I should be thin and beautiful. But whathappens is you are left with all the emotional crap you are trying to cope with through Vodka, cocaine or candy bars. The difference, in MY life, is I never went to jail behind food. I never neglected the children behind food. I never did not pay the bills because I bought chocolate. Apparently there are those who HAVE - that is not me, and it is one of the reasons I do not talk about food issues in my 12 step program. It is not about that issue.
I go to swing shift this week and I am really going to miss my home group.
I am off to San Francisco. I speak tonight in Marin County. My friend in SF promised me lots of fun today. I told him that I would prefer not to go to the Zoo.
please pray for me:
O Holy St Anthony, gentlest of Saints, your love for God and Charity for His creatures, made you worthy, when on earth, to possess miraculous powers. Miracles waited on your word, which you were ever ready to speak for those in trouble or anxiety. Encouraged by this thought, I implore you to obtain for me the missing money/missing deposit. The answer to my prayer may require a miracle; even so you are the Saint of Miracles. O gentle and loving St. Antony of Padua, whose heart was ever full of human sympathy, whisper my petition into the ears of the Sweet Infant Jesus, who loved to be folded in your arms; and the gratitude of my heart will ever be yours. Amen.
One Our Father
One Hail, Mary
One Glory Be

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