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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Oh Help

What an awful night. I am so tired I could spit. I did not get much sleep at all today. I do not think I am going to make it until 1am. In fact, I plan on leaving at midnight. I will be in tomorrow at 3:30pm like I was today and that is more than an 8 hour shift.

Tomorrow I get to go have coffee with V and E - 'because that's what management does". I don't know what to think. I know I need to trust in God more because my first thought was, "Why? What did I do now?". At the same time I understand that I should be welcoming this opportunity to bond with my superior and my co-worker, but the reality is I do not fit into this world. This place of business is no exception. I never feel 'a part of' except in my 12 step group and in the Catholic Church. And my family - most of the time. Not always, but most of the time.

I know it is me. I just feel different. I don't have the same sense of humor and I do not have the same priorities.

Donna paid me a lovely compliment tonight - she told me the whole crew respects me. That is a wonderful thing to hear.

When I get tired, I get depressed. It is natural I guess...I woke up (actually just sat up after dozing fitfully for 2 hours) and cried. I was just so tired. I have felt just awful ever since and I know it is because I am plain old worn out.

Lord, protect me on my drive home.

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