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Thursday, January 24, 2008

I LOST it...good for me

I have had it
I cannot take it anymore. This morning Duffy got into my purse and chewed up my picture of Pope B16 I had from Rome. He is right now cowering in the corner. I just lost my mind. No, I did not hit or beat the dog - you don't have to do that with a Scottish Terrier. A raised voice will do the trick.
And yes I know it is MY FAULT for leaving my purse open. GOD FORBID I should do anything different than I do EVERY FLIPPING DAY because I should just KNOW that today would be the day he decided to chew up JUST THAT PICTURE.
I have to go out to coffee today with my boss and E. Why? I have no idea. It is supposed to be some sort of weird bonding ritual. What I want to say to them is "You are both ridiculous women and I hate having to see your smug stupid faces every day" but apparently that is not considered helpful to the bonding experience.
I had 117 emails to read. 117. I answered two. I cannot stand it.
I got to work yesterday and that IDIOT Pat Z had left this convoluted WIDSI note, taking up an entire page to ask one FLIPPING question -was it FAXED????? Well, DUH you stupid woman. Why not just FAX IT YOURSELF and then check the box off the CHECK LIST.
Oh GOD I am so tired and angry and sad. I just want to scream. Hell, I have screamed I screamed at the DOG. Good for me. What a woman. How incredibly spiritually fit I am.
Sweet Jesus help me. I hate it when I explode. The fact that I have not done so in about a year doesn't mean I like it when it happens. I will go to that stupid coffe klatch with my boss and E and just shut UP. Nod my head. Smile. I do not fit in with those women, I do not want to be anywhere I have to be and I know I will be there anyway because that is what Catholic Christians and members of AA do...we suit up and we show up when we are supposed to and we beg for the grace of God to let up at least seem like sane normal people when we are in public.
Just for today, Lord. Let me please make my committments without resentment, without anger and with love for You in my heart. Forgive me for being such a loser. I am sorry for my sins and for the sake of the world I offer you my sorry, angry self...I beg you to forgive me and to let me walk forward in Your grace today. Amen.
I lost another pound. Not bad for an ugly bag - and it is not like anyone can tell. Big deal, what do I want? Appreciation? Encouragment? Stop it, grow up and stop being such an jerk.
At least Duffy has forgiven me....he just came over to me because he heard me crying. What a big baby I am.
Oh well. Today is my 'Friday'. Thank God for the weekend.

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