This Morning the Dam Burst

 This author does not like to admit defeat despite feeling better every time I do. 

The past several years have been difficult for me.  Now, before anyone offers advice trust me that I am keenly aware of how very blessed I am right now.  I keep my gratitude front and center and know that, compared to others in the world, my problems pale in comparison. 

However, there has been a lot of loss in my life and a great deal of adjustment to that loss.  I have made terrible mistakes and people I counted on have left me as a result of those mistakes.  I do not blame them; I accept their decisions. 

This morning, for whatever reason, the dam burst and my morning meditation turned into a torrent of tears.  All I could say was "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus" over and over again.  That was my prayer - His Holy Name - over and over and over.  At the end of I was left with swollen eyes, a stuffed up nose and a sore throat from crying but other than that, hey!  I'm good!

What I have experienced in the past three years is not important.  Suffice to say most of you reading this have gone through much worse and my heart does go out to you.  What does matter is that I not pretend everything has been hunky dory.  It hasn't.  

That being said, I have had some amazing things happen in the past three years along with the sorrow and loss.  I have new and old friends in my life.  That has held me up.  I have new goals and new hopes and new dreams.  I have a life today that is second to none and I am guessing that today's lesson is pretty simple: one can feel incredibly grateful at the same time they are incredibly sad.  One can acknowledge the beauty and accept the ugly and it can live side by side in my consciousness.  I am not crazy, I am a human creature trying to walk with grace and dignity.

God has graced me so much and for that I am eternally grateful and aware.  However, this morning the dam burst and I just let the tears flow. 

Then I put on my make up and lipstick, brushed my hair and went forward.  I cannot do anything else.

May today be a day of love and light for you.  If you need Him, God is there and trust me the prayer I prayed was enough for today.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus....I offer myself to Thee.