I am watching my life take off in such a strange direction. It's all good, no doubt, but after the almost five years I spent at the old job fighting constant attacks on my character, wondering if I have what it takes to supervise and manage and climbing a GIANT mountain of Self Doubt, I am trying to get used to doing work stuff right.
I can't explain this well without sounding whiny but I am going to try. I am succeeding. I am not use to succeeding. I am so grateful. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. In other words, I am a bundle of contradiction.
Being a Catholic, a practicing Catholic, is difficult today. Everything we hold dear is outside the cultural norms and many people who CALL themselves Catholic see defiance of Church Teaching as some sort of badge of honor. So, not only am I succeeding at work I am practicing a religion that is unpopular at best and outright hated by some - and man, that can give you a headache at the end of the day.
I pray the Liturgy of The Hours with the intentions of Father Serpa, Sharon and the salvation of my family members utmost in my mind. I find myself wondering if I will ever connect with a man who shares my love of Christ and His Church and I wish I could win the lottery so all my financial insecurities would be addressed. And the thoughts I just expressed make me giggle at my own absurdity.
Ash Wednesday begins the Lenten Season on February 22. I am going to give up Farmville. I will fast on Fridays, commit to praying The Station of the Cross on Friday nights and continue praying my prayers every day. Lent will be a chance for me to offer all my wonderful and weird insecurities to God, to do with as He will and to use them for the fulfillment of His Kingdom here on earth.
However, and I mean this, I will never really get used to those people who call themselves Catholic and take pleasure in going against The Church. I know they have always been with us, and that The Church is a Hospital for Sinners and not a Hotel for Saints, but I just do not get the tantrums.
Congratulations, Cardinal Timothy Dolan. And thank you for standing up for Truth and not backing down ... the next few years are going to be tough. We will see the wheat separated from the weeds....and please, Lord, help me to stand with the Brave and the Faithful. Remind me that being popular on Facebook and in the rooms of my 12 step program are not what will get me to heaven.
Help me, please, to be Catholic even when it is not fashionable.
Showing posts with label Sober Catholic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sober Catholic. Show all posts
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, December 4, 2011
What a FUNNY FUNNY WEEKEND
Let me tell you about my Saturday.
I had made plans.
Now, I have been sober long enough to know that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with making plans. In fact, one often needs to plan their day in order to get the stuff done that needs to get done. If one is the busy little bee that I am, this is often very important.
SO....(stop laughing) I made my plans.
Saturday was going to be my day to get all the Christmas shopping done. I was going to go to my ladies meeting, go to a memorial service for the father of a sponsee, get my pedicure and manicure (because I have fake knees I sometimes cannot reach my feet so have to have someone else cut my toenails before I ruin stocking and stocking), get my shopping done, go to Confession, go to Mass and then get all my Christmas cards to my sponsees and my sponsor DONE. Sunday was going to be plain old hang out day...watch my Niners play the Rams and just have a do nothing day.
Saturday began exactly as planned. Then, as I was about to leave for the meeting I got a call from a family member who needed some help with something. I figured out I could do this by stopping by the memorial service, giving a hug, signing the book and then going to her house....which would have worked except when I got into my car at the memorial service the light that means "go get your oil changed" popped on....so I went to the family member's home and did what I could (which was mostly listen), stopped and made an appointment for later for the mani/pedi and then headed out to the Honda place to get the hybrid serviced. An hour later I was making a stop to check out the Goodwill store for possible presents (none were available) when the phone rang. No big deal - it was one of us, struggling with five days of sobriety after a relapse. I sat in the car and we talked for about an hour. At which time it was off to get the mani/pedi done...and it was there my day went completely goofy.
I was holding my iPhone, getting into the mani/pedi chair and kerPLUNK....I dropped the phone into the water.
Yes. You read that right. The phone, with all the information, went into the drink.
Now...I was not really worried about the information. I have that iCloud/MobileMe thing and new I could recover everything....however, that was NOT what I wanted to have to deal with instead of going shopping.
I sat in that chair, seriously wondering if I would be justified in a) threw a tantrum and made everyone in the shop right then suffer along with me the pain of dropping a perfectly good smartphone into a bucket of scented water filled with my feet or b) bursting into tears at the unfairness of life because I was not going to have time to go shopping.
Guess what I choose to do?
I sat there with my fingers in acetone and my feet in bubbly water and prayed.
My 12 step program has taught me the importance of giving my life to a power greater than myself. My Catholic Faith has confirmed that importance over the years, for without the power of the Sacraments, the Love of Christ for His Church and the protection of Our Lady I would have imploded long ago under the pressure of trying to be a sober, dignified woman of grace.
Tonight I spoke with a sponsee about the importance of the Traditions in our lives, in particular the use of Tradition 4. It was that Tradition that taught me that I mattered - what I say matters, what I do matters and how I present myself to the world matters. I impact those around me and I can choose today whether that impact will be positive or negative.
So today I chose to be a positive impact on those around me. I know I cannot do it alone and so I chose to rely upon the grace of the loving and powerful God who created me, who knows me better than I know myself, and who died for me so that the gates of heaven could swing open for all eternity. I chose to be a woman of dignity, a woman of grace and a sober drunk rather than a drinking drunk.
Oh and by the way - I upgraded to an iPhone 4. Not the iPhone 4s (too expensive) but at least now I have FaceTime....of course, I don't know anyone else who has face time but I have face time.
And the Niners won their division for the first time in 9 years.
Life is good.
And the weekend? It is almost OVER.
I had made plans.
Now, I have been sober long enough to know that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with making plans. In fact, one often needs to plan their day in order to get the stuff done that needs to get done. If one is the busy little bee that I am, this is often very important.
SO....(stop laughing) I made my plans.
Saturday was going to be my day to get all the Christmas shopping done. I was going to go to my ladies meeting, go to a memorial service for the father of a sponsee, get my pedicure and manicure (because I have fake knees I sometimes cannot reach my feet so have to have someone else cut my toenails before I ruin stocking and stocking), get my shopping done, go to Confession, go to Mass and then get all my Christmas cards to my sponsees and my sponsor DONE. Sunday was going to be plain old hang out day...watch my Niners play the Rams and just have a do nothing day.
Saturday began exactly as planned. Then, as I was about to leave for the meeting I got a call from a family member who needed some help with something. I figured out I could do this by stopping by the memorial service, giving a hug, signing the book and then going to her house....which would have worked except when I got into my car at the memorial service the light that means "go get your oil changed" popped on....so I went to the family member's home and did what I could (which was mostly listen), stopped and made an appointment for later for the mani/pedi and then headed out to the Honda place to get the hybrid serviced. An hour later I was making a stop to check out the Goodwill store for possible presents (none were available) when the phone rang. No big deal - it was one of us, struggling with five days of sobriety after a relapse. I sat in the car and we talked for about an hour. At which time it was off to get the mani/pedi done...and it was there my day went completely goofy.
I was holding my iPhone, getting into the mani/pedi chair and kerPLUNK....I dropped the phone into the water.
Yes. You read that right. The phone, with all the information, went into the drink.
Now...I was not really worried about the information. I have that iCloud/MobileMe thing and new I could recover everything....however, that was NOT what I wanted to have to deal with instead of going shopping.
I sat in that chair, seriously wondering if I would be justified in a) threw a tantrum and made everyone in the shop right then suffer along with me the pain of dropping a perfectly good smartphone into a bucket of scented water filled with my feet or b) bursting into tears at the unfairness of life because I was not going to have time to go shopping.
Guess what I choose to do?
I sat there with my fingers in acetone and my feet in bubbly water and prayed.
My 12 step program has taught me the importance of giving my life to a power greater than myself. My Catholic Faith has confirmed that importance over the years, for without the power of the Sacraments, the Love of Christ for His Church and the protection of Our Lady I would have imploded long ago under the pressure of trying to be a sober, dignified woman of grace.
Tonight I spoke with a sponsee about the importance of the Traditions in our lives, in particular the use of Tradition 4. It was that Tradition that taught me that I mattered - what I say matters, what I do matters and how I present myself to the world matters. I impact those around me and I can choose today whether that impact will be positive or negative.
So today I chose to be a positive impact on those around me. I know I cannot do it alone and so I chose to rely upon the grace of the loving and powerful God who created me, who knows me better than I know myself, and who died for me so that the gates of heaven could swing open for all eternity. I chose to be a woman of dignity, a woman of grace and a sober drunk rather than a drinking drunk.
Oh and by the way - I upgraded to an iPhone 4. Not the iPhone 4s (too expensive) but at least now I have FaceTime....of course, I don't know anyone else who has face time but I have face time.
And the Niners won their division for the first time in 9 years.
Life is good.
And the weekend? It is almost OVER.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Happy Birthday to ME
Today I celebrate 18 years of continuous sobriety.
What a day.
It feels like yesterday that I started this journey. The first two years were spent struggling to stay sober even for a week.
Then, as though God gifted me in a way He knew I could hear, I was shocked out of my complacency by a man who cared more about my sobriety than whether or not I liked him. He made me so mad, I stayed sober at him for 6 months.
At the end of six months I was crazy and scared and sad and angry - in other words, I suffered from untreated alcoholism and it was kicking my butt.
However, God is faithful and great and He did not let me flounder for long. He gave me Kenny D., my first sponsor, who handed me a tape of HIS sponsor and I heard the real message for the first time.
Every time someone told this guy he needed to quit drinking he wanted to scream, "I am sober right NOW and I hate it!"
When I heard those words I felt as though a door was opened in my mind and a light flooded the darkness. I knew...I knew....and it suddenly all made sense.
Today I know that the Holy Spirit filled me up that night, fanning the flames of my Baptism and Confirmation. The efficacious Sacraments were not dead in me; rather, the gifts I had received at those times were just waiting for the right time to come back to fullness.
I cannot say I have not wanted to escape from reality once or twice (or 100 times) since getting the message. What I can say is that I have not had to drink or use since then, I have always been able to turn fully to Jesus and His Church and say, "Help me" whenever the tough times have hit.
I am so grateful for all I have been given, even when I have not wanted to stay sober I have been able to do so and for this alcoholic Catholic that is saying a lot.
Thank you, Jesus and Mary and all the saints. You are my salvation.
What a day.
It feels like yesterday that I started this journey. The first two years were spent struggling to stay sober even for a week.
Then, as though God gifted me in a way He knew I could hear, I was shocked out of my complacency by a man who cared more about my sobriety than whether or not I liked him. He made me so mad, I stayed sober at him for 6 months.
At the end of six months I was crazy and scared and sad and angry - in other words, I suffered from untreated alcoholism and it was kicking my butt.
However, God is faithful and great and He did not let me flounder for long. He gave me Kenny D., my first sponsor, who handed me a tape of HIS sponsor and I heard the real message for the first time.
Every time someone told this guy he needed to quit drinking he wanted to scream, "I am sober right NOW and I hate it!"
When I heard those words I felt as though a door was opened in my mind and a light flooded the darkness. I knew...I knew....and it suddenly all made sense.
Today I know that the Holy Spirit filled me up that night, fanning the flames of my Baptism and Confirmation. The efficacious Sacraments were not dead in me; rather, the gifts I had received at those times were just waiting for the right time to come back to fullness.
I cannot say I have not wanted to escape from reality once or twice (or 100 times) since getting the message. What I can say is that I have not had to drink or use since then, I have always been able to turn fully to Jesus and His Church and say, "Help me" whenever the tough times have hit.
I am so grateful for all I have been given, even when I have not wanted to stay sober I have been able to do so and for this alcoholic Catholic that is saying a lot.
Thank you, Jesus and Mary and all the saints. You are my salvation.
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