...a sorrow which one entertains at another's well-being because of a view that one's own excellence is in consequence lessened.
I have been meditating a great deal on jealousy the past two days in light of an observance of behavior that is a bit disturbing. I couldn't quite put my finger on the problem until I was in front of the Blessed Sacrament, asking for the grace to understand rather than be understood. It also helped to talk things over with my mother who, at 98, has pretty much seen it all and is not surprised by much.
My life today includes the blessing of a really great boss. Perfect? No, of course not, but I have yet to meet a perfect person. My hope lies in my salvation and I look forward to meeting Jesus. That being said, he is learned and he is kind and he is deeply concerned about the quality of Religious Education in our parish. I have learned so much from him but, more importantly, I have learned how to reach out to others I find and get help and information from them. As a Dominican and as someone who read her way back into Holy Mother Church I want to be a force for good within the Religious Education community here.
We are also blessed with the Parish we have. Seriously, sometimes we look at each other in amazement. Last year we offered two Latin classes and both were bursting at the seams. I taught a "Back to Basics" course on SUNDAY AFTERNOONS and there was NEVER less than 75 people there. Now granted both the local professional football teams were stinking up the joint but still, come ON. People suit up and show up for classes because they are so HUNGRY for Truth. They are told they need 10 hours of Adult Faith Formation when their child is receiving a Sacrament and then they bring friends and relatives to the classes. It is flipping awesome.
We had Professor John Bergsma out to do a presentation on the Dead Sea Scrolls and over 500 people showed up on a Saturday night. He stood at the podium in awe and said something to the affect that he has never made a presentation on this subject to so many people at one time. 'Good Lord, who ARE you people?' was the essence of his amazement.
Now, again, is the Parish perfect? Of course not. We have people who talk after Mass in front of the Tabernacle because frankly they have forgotten Who is in there. We have people who do not go to confession ever and go up to receive Our Lord in the Eucharist and have no idea what is going on. We have over 5000 FAMILIES (not people) and like any Catholic Parish our problems reflect the problems of society - divorce, adultery, drug addiction, alcoholism, spousal abuse, child abuse, sexual sin - we can find these issues here just as we can find them in our neighborhoods on the 'good' side of town and on the 'other side of the tracks'. Human Beings sin and concupiscence is a real thing.
What we do have, however, is this stalwart band of people willing to stand in the gap and try our best. We make sure our curriculum is orthodox, our Catechists are REALLY Catholic and we concentrate on both memorization and fostering a love for Jesus and His Church in our youngest members. We offer classes to our teens and our adults that will both educate them in the basics and challenge them to think harder than they are being asked to when at school or work.
When we do this, we are both successful and we fail. We have children age 8 coming out of the confessional for the first time with big smiles on their faces. They proclaim, "Oh you were right! I feel so much better!" with such enthusiasm that you cannot help but wonder what was burdening their 8year old heart. We also have kids who come out, stumble through their Penance of 'two Hail Marys' and will not be back in there until we take them the following year before they receive Our Lord in the Eucharist.
We also have kids in 6th grade who say things like, "I am thinking of being a priest".
In other words, we are making headway and we are losing ground. Both are the reality in a Parish and if you do not think that is the case you are not paying attention.
What we do not need are Monday Morning Quarterbacks - those members who decide that no matter WHAT we do or what class is offered we are doing it 'wrong' or we are wasting our time or we are otherwise adding to the problem.
So what usually causes this type of behavior?
After prayer in front of Our Lord, in front of the Real Presence, and after asking Holy Father Dominic to guide me, I have come to the conclusion that this type of anger and behavior is caused by good old fashioned jealousy.
Lacking a position of power, jealous people spend the much of their lives feeling lessened by any success they see around them. They must find a drum and beat it and the beat, while covered in paragraph after paragraph of blah blah blah, comes out as 'you are not letting ME do this and people are liking what YOU are doing; therefore, you are doing it wrong and my new job is to tear you down every chance I get'.
Now, part of their attack will always have some truth to it (little 't' truth). We have to 'dumb down' philosophical terms so people can grasp the basic idea. We have to gloss over all the documents written about Priestly celibacy and still teach to the Truth of why a man who acts in persona christi is The Bridegroom in the Latin Rite and so will not take a wife. We have to be willing to say to those to whome we present, "this is just a glimpse into what the richness of the Catholic Faith is and you will spend the rest of your life diving into Her beautiful spirituality". In that way, we are always falling short.
However, my experience is becoming that those who find nothing right with what an amazing group of people are doing (on their own time, in deep prayer and using orthodox curriculum) are having a spiritual crisis. It has, really, nothing to do with us or with what we are presenting. It has everything to do with how they see their own excellence. They see their own human dignity lessened by our actions and in order to feel better they attack.
It is often predictable. I am always prepared, for example, the week before First Holy Communion, to be told what a bad job I am doing by people who have not offered to help with anything the entire year.
I am no longer surprised by people who make it their mission to let you know, in their own sad and wounded way, that they are jealous. We didn't ask them for their opinion. We are, by our very existence, making them less than who they are - which is, of course, a sin against charity. Not against us, really, but against themselves for they are judging themselves by a standard they have set up in their own minds and finding themselves wanting...which is not being very loving towards themselves at all.
The way back from this begins with two things: a Thorough Confession and then a deliberate and intentional disengaging from that which is causing the pain. If I am convinced that everything someone posts has to be commented on so I can point out how wrong they are? I need to make a deliberate choice not to post and not to comment. The fact that I think they are wrong, or I am not liking their opinion or they have hurt me by not asking me what I think has got to be overcome by my NOT telling them that - keeping my mouth and my keyboard silent.
BUT WAIT - how can that be if I am to be a Defender of The Faith?
I tell you how - and I learned this the hard way. Begin with a simple phrase, asked in private:
Would you like feedback on that?
If I use this phrase, I am affording that person dignity. I am not acting in arrogance and assuming they MUST be corrected because if I do not do so the entire Church will crumble. If I use that phrase? I am being loving at most, practicing humility and allowing for grace to guide the conversation.
Having to come to the realization that much of my early evangelization attempts were done with underlying jealousy - feeling as though someone was lessening ME with their actions - was a huge step forward for me. As a Dominican, I am committed to Truth. However, if I am pounding someone over the head with my interpretation of The Truth and not stepping back and asking, "Wait. I think what they just did is wrong. Why? Oh...this is why....I think they defined something incorrectly...I think I will ask them about that, privately and with humility. Maybe I am reading it with an incorrect interpretation or I took something out of context."
To get to this point in my life has been a long and arduous journey. I stumbled a great deal - still do, when I am overly tired - but each time I did my Spiritual Director took me back to the question of motive. What was I REALLY trying to do? The more I saw that my actions were governed not by a love for what was True but for a need to be right and a need to be important, I was able to grow in love for Jesus and His Church.
This is why, today, when I get a message from someone who just wants to be argumentative or is nit picking because they were not asked to participate, my heart first fills with deep pity and empathy. I remember what that is like - and how I can still go there in a minute - and I simply do not respond, I delete, I walk away.
My prayer life deepens and I try to put myself in their shoes and inevitably I can feel for them the compassion they lack for me.
I wish I could do this all the time - maybe with practice?
Keep me in prayer, everyone....and by the way?
My team is 6-0!
No comments:
Post a Comment