I had stated in a previous blog post that I cannot write about another sexual scandal and I mean to hold to that promise. I am about uptohear with continued 'outings' and reports and scandals and sometimes I just want to stand in the middle of Oakdale Road at High Noon and scream, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? STOP PRETENDING YOU DIDN'T KNOW!".
So I want to make myself very clear. This blog post is not about the latest celebrity to be called on the carpet for being a Class A Jerk. This blogpost is about my morning, a morning that began like most of my mornings these days.
I wake up, make coffee, let the dog out and the cat inside, go outside to pick up my hometown newspaper and start to read it (after letting Robbie the Rescue Scotty back inside). I sip my wonderful Bulletproof Coffee (shameless plug) and I peruse the various national, international and local information provided by the Modesto Bee. I turn to the Letters to the Editor and I read this:
http://www.modbee.com/opinion/letters-to-the-editor/article187070438.html
It is a letter from someone named Lindsey Barth - gender undetermined - and I am once more hit with the one of the biggest problems we face today in society.
Ignorance.
Lindsey Barth states in this letter that, in order for a man to be successful in the workplace, he should
"Talk to women only about workplace issues. Keep it all business. Talk to her only when necessary. Do not try to become friends or friendly with women at work. Do not compliment a woman on her clothes, weight, hair or any other physical features."
The letter goes on to purport to give men tips and rules on how to treat a woman at work so that he cannot be accused of anything inappropriate.
Lindsey Barth's letter did not happen in a vacuum. The writer seems to be very sarcastic and angry. The writer is concerned, rightly or wrongly, that a genuine problem could exist by which a man is accused of inappropriate behavior by a woman in the workplace and that the accusation could be false. Lindsey is concerned that an innocent compliment could lead to a man being accused of something illegal.
The tone of the letter is condescending and demeaning to women, stating that we "are extremely sensitive, emotional and are looking for something (we) consider sexual harassment." Lindsey goes on to state " If you don’t have to look at them, then look the other way."
Lindsey may be trying to be sarcastically funny - it is impossible to tell. I, however, am going to take Lindsey at Lindsey's word and believe that Lindsey sees all this stuff as stupid and childish and that men need to be protected against the horrors of my gender being allowed access to the halls of power, even if all we get to do is clean them.
I was flabbergasted at first but after reflection I understand Lindsey. I imagine that Lindsey was not raised by a strong father, probably has no Faith Tradition to fall back on and was never exposed to common sense while growing up. Lindsey cannot imagine that a woman knows the difference between a compliment and harassment because, in Lindsey's world, they are one and the same.
I am unable to speak for all women, but I can certainly speak for myself. I was raised by women who broke barriers in quiet and effectual ways. My mother, a first generation American from an Italian family, went to business college out of high school during a time when women like her got married at 18. She entered the work force with Bank of America as a key punch operator before WW2 and moved into operations when the war began because those positions became available to women (the men had been drafted).
My mother was not unusual for my family - all three of her sisters furthered their educations after High School and only one married young. All of them worked while raising families and they worked in the business world - for school systems and attorneys and financial institutions. My mother retired the first time in her 70's as an executive vice president for a savings and loan. Because she was bored she went back to work part time as a customer service representative for two different banks and did not officially retire until 78 years old. Today she is 96 years old, fully competent and drinking Bone Broth every day to help her arthritis (another shameless plug).
Mama and I have been having some lively conversations regarding the wave of sexual harassment accusations and when I read her Lindsey Barth's Letter to the Editor this morning, her response borrowed from one of her favorite comedians:
"Leslie, you cannot fix stupid".
Lindsey presupposes that women, emotional and fragile, will overreact to a simple "Hey, you look nice today!" and cannot differentiate that from a disrespectful comment like "OOOO baby, baby bring that over here and sit on daddy's lap".
Lindsey believes that women, unable to use critical thinking skills of any type, cannot participate in a working lunch with a male colleague because they will mix that up in their foggy emotional brains with having the door of an office locked preventing their escape while their boss drops his pants and exposes his genitals to them.
Lindsey is pretty darn sure that this is all because women are unable to properly function in the workplace and has nothing to do with the fact that sexual predators come in all genders, sexes and sexual preference. Lindsey cannot fathom that there are women bosses who have pulled this on male underlings, homosexual bosses who have made unwanted passes at employees of the same gender or that people in the workplace behave badly and must be stopped.
Yes, Lindsey, some women (and men) will make false accusations. Yes, Lindsey, people need to reevaluate their behavior in terms of good solid moral behavior and Yes, Lindsey, we have as a society become far too open and vulgar in our speech and behavior in the workplace.
Lindsey, this is just a suggestion, but perhaps you might consider pushing Proper Etiquette as opposed to calling women emotional and sensitive (as though that description is a bad thing). Perhaps, Lindsey (and again, this is just a suggestion), if men and women, regardless of the sexual proclivities, treated each other with respect there would not be problems of sexual harassment in the workplace.
This morning I showed up at work with a new hairstyle. My boss, a well known Catholic theologian and a man married to the Love of His Life (and father to a passel of adorable children), said, "HEY LOOK AT YOUR HAIR! That looks GREAT!".
My response?
"Thank you".
Boy, Lindsey, that was so difficult for me. I am a woman, sensitive and emotional. I was frozen with indecision. What did he mean? What was happening?
You know something, Lindsey?
Mama is right.
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