I am filled with gratitude today for the men and women who nudged be through last week. Those five days were tough. I was overly tired from jet lag and deeply disappointed when my beloved Niners lost to the Chargers in OT, so I have no doubt I have been a bit too sensitive. That being said, I was also very confused. On the one hand, I was being battered about for being a really awful person. I was then being asked for help.
I do not get that kind of thinking - if I am that awful, then run! Run quickly!
I don't understand and I doubt my ability to do so is going to improve. I thought a break from the madness would help. It didn't. I am not good enough, I am not smart enough and I am not...well, I am not 'enough'. As a result, I surrender. Nothing I can do will repair the problem and I just have to let it go (and no, I am not going to start singing, though I will take the time to admit I am apparently the only person left in the US who has not seen the movie Frozen). I am just going to walk my path. If anyone wishes to join me on that path, it is wide enough for them to step right along. I hope they do; I believe it is the path of Truth and will offer healing of soul, mind and body.
As for the Niners you can rest assured I will not be rooting for the SeaHawks (oh HELL no) and really, I won't be rooting for the Cowboys either (I mean, come ON); however, my friend's son plays for the Cowboys so I am going to root for him. Since it is physically impossible for the phrase "Go Cowboys" to pass my lips I will have to settle for "Come On Stirling!".
Yes, that is just my way of staying connected to football. I love football. I don't care if that is not considered a girly girl thing to do. I love the game and I love my Niners. I am Forever Faithful. This year, however, has been a tough one. We just could not over come the injuries, the crazy off-the-field antics and the outright goofiness that is the NFL on any Given Sunday. We are probably going to lose the best coach we have had since Bill Walsh but hey! You are talking to a girl who has rooted for the boyz when our record was 2-14 so this ain't nuttin' honey. I am NOT a bandwagon fan. Win, lose or tie - Niner Faithful 'til I DIE.
I am back at work, showing a few pictures and basking in the pleasure of knowing that my office team rose to the occasion while I was gone. They done good - worked hard and apparently got along. No one is reporting any fights or tantrums or breakdowns to me. This is a good thing.
On Christmas Eve a downtown restaurant will debut my Grandmother Rose Bernini Crocco's tomato sauce on its menu. I can't be there for the unveiling but I just know Grandma is pleased. La vostra salsa è perfetta, la nonna, e noi amiamo vogliamo bene!
As we approach Christmas Day, I want to take just a moment to thank everyone who reads my blog. I want to even thank the one who reads it and then gleefully points out to others what a horrible person I am and how I am breaking the traditions and hurting others by my writing. I want to thank those who were convinced I was attacking them when most of the time I was not even thinking of them (which may be worse, who knows?). You have been as much of my learning curve as those who read with an open mind and open heart and give me real, honest feedback. You have taught me to love those who are unlovable and trust me, that is not an easy thing to do for this chick.
My resolution for the New Year is to keep growing, to keep trying and to stop teaching others that the way to get me to behave is to keep poking and poking and poking until I lose my temper and then give in out of shame and guilt. Instead, as soon as the poking starts, you will find yourself poking thin air. I am going to walk away from you and love you from a distance.
Please pray with me an for me, that I can stay the course and do the deal...one day at a time....