I have just now started to get over the horrendous rhino virus attack that seemed to last forever. I have not been able to get to the gym for over ten (10) days because I have been so doggone sick. As a result I have baggy pants from losing muscle mass and my joints hurt - ok, they do not hurt. They ACHE - an almost constant dull throbbing ache that only goes away when I immerse myself in hot water filled with Epson Salts.
In other words, it ain't been an easy time.
As with any time I am battling the physical, the mental and spiritual starts going haywire too. I become very despondent over lost loves, for instance, and start wishing that little boy who once thought it was cool to sit next to me on the stairwell at my house and pretend we were in a helicopter, visiting all the relatives, still liked me. I become impatient with people, and find myself grinding my back teeth over what seems to be endless questions that all boil down to "But why can't I have it my way? Why? Why? Why". I become fearful of the opinions of others, seeing or hearing rejection in remarks that in all reality were made out of either complete ignorance or such a deep-seated resentment towards my Faith Tradition that the person making the remark isn't even aware of their own failings in this area (after all we don't have a POPE in General Service!).
Pile on top of a bad cold and a bad attitude a work schedule that is over-the-top and I think you have a recipe for total disaster. At the VERY least, you have a great excuse to go on bender of some sort - either the little kind that really don't matter (I shall buy 100 dollars worth of chocolate and salty stuff and eat it in front of the TV while watching DVR'd episodes of Person of Interest) or REALLY destructive kinds (I shall now buy the first bottle of Jack Daniels I have purchased in 21 years...and then I shall try to go buy some cocaine because the two go SO well together).
The problem with both of these 'benders' is obvious. The less obvious is that if I tried the first I would be sicker than a dog in about an hour and be unable to leave the toilet for at least a day. If I tried the second, I would be able to successfully navigate a liquor store but any attempt to purchase illegal substances of any kind would no doubt result in me having my money stolen, being raped and then severely beaten. I have been out of that game for WAAAAAAYYYY too long. Trust me. I am out of the loop big time.
SO - what's a nut case to do?
Rest when I can and then get up and start again.
Each day becomes another chance to be the woman I want to be rather than the one I could be with very little effort. And in order for me to be that woman, I have to acknowledge two, no, three things:
1. I ain't like the rest of ya
2. I am a Sacramental and Liturgical Catholic
3. I need to connect with Like Minded and Similarly Afflicted people at least three times a week.
I hope, each day, to be better. Some days, that goal is reached and other days it remains on a distant horizon. What I know, however, is that the grace is there for me to do it no matter what I think or feel. The challenge for me is to cooperate with that grace. For that I need to make an Act of Faith and an intentional act of the will - and to ask for prayers from others who believe in prayer.
I cannot always battle the anti Catholics out there. I feel sorry for them and I pray for them. On the days I cannot bring myself to lift my sword and shield in Defense of the Faith, I pray for those who are able to do it because maybe that way I can be of some help.
Meanwhile, tonight we work more Overtime.
St Thomas Moore, pray for us!