Most of my days are spent busily working - at my job, as a Catechist, as a sponsor in my 12 step program and at various positions in the Parish. I am a busy woman. I am a Lector. I am on the Military Support Ministry Committee. I am on the Parish Council.
My life is a bit of a whirlwind.
Today, the day before Ash Wednesday, I am taking a moment to pause and reflect and ask myself, "How do I want to live?".
The answer is better explained, I supposed, by listing what I how I do not want to live.
I do not want to live drunk.
I do not want to live obese.
I do not want to live in a constant state of anger.
I do not want to live as a liar.
However, there has to be a 'pro active' list as well, right? I mean, just for balance:
I want people to know I am a woman of my word.
I do not lie or otherwise intentionally mislead anyone. If I make a statement and it is wrong, I will take responsibility for it.
I want people to know I will not be bullied. If I make a statement, or take a stand, threats of withdrawing love, friendship or legal action will hurt me but not deter me from stating my opinion or the subjective truth (you all know that truth: what's good for you, is good for you but not necessarily good for me so back off baby).
I want to live as a woman of Faith - that does not mean I will please everyone or be perfect (though I will try to be perfect, as my Heavenly father is perfect). The fact that I am not living the way YOU might want me to live in order to make YOUR life easier will be something YOU will need to come to terms with on your own.
Any changes I make will be made after I weigh the need for that change. If I don't see a need, or if I cannot see where what I am doing is displeasing to God, then I will leave well enough alone. I have a spiritual director and a sponsor for that reason - to make sure I am being hard on myself and not on those around me.
My hope is, as I stumble towards heaven, that my attempts at earthly perfection will pay off with eternal perfection.
The good part? TRYING makes me a better person NOW.
Have a fabulous Lenten Season, people...and enjoy Fat Tuesday!
1 comment:
They say that “to be” is the oldest verb in any language. I applaud your search for the perfect form of this verb, although I must admit I am some distance behind you. I am a different man in some ways than I was 14 years ago, and in some ways the same. I graduated from having a higher power to now having a full blown God, and I know a few more things about myself. It seems the more I know, the less I know. Maybe it’s just the result of better headlights, and paying attention to the occasional “Bridge Out” sign. I try not to run from pain anymore, mostly because my God is not the God of “Christmas presents”, but is a God I can bring my pains and joys to. I am still certain, if I am completely honest, that after all this time that I do not trust Him completely, but I don’t think this is an issue with Him. Part of my journey is exploring the notion that my needs and the needs of others are connected, in fact dependent on one another. You continue to be an inspiration for me, Leslie.
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