I absolutely love and respect the woman who 'sponsors' me in my 12 step program. Without her gentle sense of humor, her guidance and her reminders of what it was like and what it COULD be like if I drank again I would not be able to keep my feet pointing towards heaven. My walk may get a little wobbly sometimes and I may even sit down right in the middle of the road and refuse to move, but I am always pointed in the right direction and for that I am very grateful.
My writings has revealed to me the frustration and righteous indignation I feel towards the powers that be; however, they also reveal to me that my problem (as always) is with the concept of trusting God.
God is either all or God is nothing. As a Christian, I do not have a kinda/sorta god that depends upon the wind or the rain or the cycle of the seasons or the picture that comes up on a cardboard tarot card. My God is the Creator, the Alpha and the Omega, the source and the summit of all that is, all that was and all that will be. My God has no beginning and no end. My God, bidden or unbidden, is always present. My God does not abandon me, I walk away from Him. My God is a loving Father, a beloved Spouse, a mighty King, a tender Beloved, a patient Teacher. My God has skin on Him and knows what it is like to be overcome by grief and to cry, to suffer and to laugh and to have a good time with His friends. My God knows all, sees all and has a Hand in everything. My God permits evil things to happen only because He knows He can call great things from that evil - He does not CAUSE problems, He loves me in spite of the problems I cause myself.
That is what I need to remember. I have to hold on to the Truth of this idea, to never ever forget that I am loved. Whether I am successful in the eyes of the world (or in my own eyes) doesn't, in the long run, really matter. Rather, what matters, is what I can say when I stand before God at the end of my life here on earth. When I say, "Lord, Lord" will He recognize me or not?
That is up to me.
Have a great day, everyone, and please keep my intentions in prayer. I have all of your intentions in MY prayers.