Holy Mackeral.
The past three days have been horrible! HORRIBLE, I tell ya!
Flu bugs are the worst.
My poor stomach was in such pain, I could barely stand up. I missed all the parties, I missed Mass....I thought I may need to go into the hospital. It was awful.
The tough part for people like me is we have a tendency to think that however we are feeling at the time we are feeling it is going to last forever. We are not known for the long haul. Our highs are higher, our lows are lower and no one could possibly EVER understand us.
Even after 19 years of continuos sobriety I fight the tendency to think my pain is different from the average person's. Reality, however, is that it is not; nonalcoholics and non addicts have pain, have relationships with God, have struggles, are spiritual - being an alcoholic or an addict does not give me some sort of spiritual hotline.
The further reality, however, is that I do have a tendency to be overly dramatic and that is probably a symptom of alcoholism and drug addiction.
Chuck C. once said something along the lines of "I am an overly sensitive alcoholic. What some people see as pretty, I see as beautiful. What they see as beautiful can enthrall me for hours". I see that as true about myself. I see things differently and there is nothing particularly bad about that but it is my responsibility to fit into the main stream of life. It is not the responsibility of the world to change itself for me.
As a sober woman, I realize I stay close to the principles of the Program in order to be able to function in the world. As a Catholic woman, I stay close to Holy Mother Church because the deep spirituality offered to me through Her Teachings allows me to practice those principles. The principles of my 12 Step Program are deeply rooted in the love and dependence upon a Higher Power. Because my Higher Power is the Holy Trinity, I want to worship God the way the First Christians did it - and that means Catholicism.
So I survived the flu, though I still feel somewhat sore and weak. I will be able to go to work tomorrow. I am going to try and get down to confession tomorrow because I would like to receive absolution for missing Holy Mass yesterday. I know I was sick and I am not in mortal sin because I was sick, but I would still like to start the new year clean and shiny. While it will probably last through my first drive on the freeway (darn it when people won't drive the way I want them too!) my intentions are to stay sin-free for as long as possible....and I do that one day at a time.
Thank you, Lord, for making me an overly sensitive alcoholic. Thank you, Lord, for Your Church.
No comments:
Post a Comment