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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Vacation Count Down

My vacation begins at 0830 this morning.

It has been a very difficult week.

I have restrained myself from writing too much about the horrible family situation going on because, quite frankly, I feel overwhelmed by the whole thing and cannot do a damn thing about it.  I have spoken to authorities and they cannot do anything about it.  There is no other footwork to do - and so, as with so much of my life, I am at step one.  I have admited I am powerless over the person in question and that my life, as the result of trying to deal with them as though they were sane and reasonable, has become unmanageable.

I go to step 2 and I ask myself, "Do I now believe, or will I ever believe, that a power greater than myself will be able to restore me to sanity?".

Which leads me to the subquestion:  what would sanity look like in this situation?

It cannot be dependent upon the sane and normal reaction or action of the person in question.  That ship has sailed.  The rocket has launched.  They cannot and should not ever be expected to be anything other than what they are right now - a great lump of crazy.

I suppose a sane reaction to that knowledge, to that reality, is the simple acceptance of the situation.  However, there is so much more that flows from that acceptance. 

A sane person, accepting the insanity of another, would go to any lengths, legal or no, to prevent the person from having any impact on the lives of children (any children, if necessary - their own family members definitely).

And I am absolutely stymied in that area.  The person has more rights than I, presents very normal to the public at large and calls those who have uttered accusations of insanity as liars.

A well-meaning person asked me how I am going to feel when I see the police photos of dead children after the drunk driving accident that is just waiting to happen and I have no response because I know how I am going to feel - I feel absolutely horrible right now and if that happens, I will feel ten times worse because I did not station myself outside the home 24/7 ready to pull the children from the car if the idiot takes off with them while drinking a beer.

SO...I instructed the children to resist, to telephone for help, to do whatever was necessary to keep themselves safe until an adult can get to them..and I have to sit back now and just pray.

I will be leaving for Ohio in a week.  If I had the opportunity, I would disappear into the wilds of West Virginia and never return to the overwhelming depressive reality that is, right now, our lives.

God is going to help us, I know that, and I have some very powerful prayer warriors on my side right now storming heaven and begging for proper divine intervention.

Please keep us all in prayer.  Boy do we need it.

2 comments:

chimakuni said...

my prayers .... always, dear.

Rest your restless soul in the compassionate heart of Jesus -

Leslie K. said...

thank you, Sissy. I am reading up on St Rita of Cascia and that is helping