I begin this Paschal Weekend a new woman already - I am officially smoke free. I have not had a cigaret in 8 days and I am declaring myself before all the world as a non smoker. Next week, when I go to see the nutritionist, I will be able to say with a straight face, "Nope, I do not smoke".
And I made it through yesterday, which was not easy. Goofy stuff has started up at work again and I lost my composure in our private meeting with all the other supervisors...my downfall there has been crying when I am accused of things I did not do. I handled it before the meeting and was able to tell them that I had spoken to the employee, documented the conversation within an inch of its life and that my union and my attorney have copies of the documentation, but I also told my boss I was exhausted by the atmosphere of relativism at the department. The idea that one can be accused of something and it is just too damn bad if it is true or not, it is up to you to scramble and prove your innocence, has me beated there.
Which is an appropriate way to begin Holy Thursday, is it not? If one wishes to be united with Christ, one can start by being falsely accused and then knowing that everyone around you at your workplace thinks you are an emotional basketcase.
Ah, thank you - Lord? I mean, thank you for Loving Me but I am ready to get out of there now. Whatever lesson You wanted me to learn, may we call it even and get me OUT OF THAT PLACE?
Tonight I will take Mom and a neighbor woman to the Mass of the Lord's Supper. It is a beautiful liturgy. Our priests will wash the feet of twelve men from the congregation, we will process our Lord to 'The Garden' where He will be throughout the night. Good Friday, I am going to watch the Live Stations that my friend Julie has helped direct and the Holy Saturday is prayer day. The Easter Vigil is Saturday night and our Candidates and Catechumenate will come into full communion with Holy Mother Church.
I do not have to go back to work until Monday night.
So on today, the first day of our most holy of times in Christendom, may I remind myself that my suffering is probably of my own making and that I have to trust God in order to get through this world. I trust you, Lord. I am weary. Give me the grace to get through this time without hurting anyone or making other people suffer with me.