We are gearing up at work for year-end evaluations and it is always a time of anxiety for me.
I want to do well for the staff; evaluations help people know where they are, what their goals for the coming year should be AND helps to set the culture of the office.
That culture has undergone strenuous changes, especially in the last year. The manner in which I supervise has been validated in many ways but that does not mean I am perfect; rather, I am now charged with learning to communicate well, with trying to bolster the morale of the employees and my fellow supervisors and with training.
It is, believe me, a challenge.
I know I can never say this in the workplace, but basically I am able to take a more Catholic approach to business management. Not only am I able to actively acknowledge the value of all employees simply because they ARE employees, I am actively able to require them to do what is best for their highest good.
I have to do this no matter how I feel and without asking for recognition. It is like the words of St Francis of Assisi - I must seek to love, rather than be loved. To comfort rather than be comforted. I must seek to understand, rather than be understood.
For someone who battles selfishness and self-centered behavior every day that is really difficult. There are times when I just want someone, somewhere to say, "You are fabulous".
Having admitted this, let me tell you that I do get positive feedback from people and I get it in unexpected ways and times. I do not want to give the impression that I slink through life without any pats on the back. That does not happen. V has acknowledged my growth, E has thanked me, S has told me she is learning so much from me - listen, the list goes on and on.
I think, however, that my biggest character defect is that I don't always appreciate the good that comes my way and I have a tendency to focus on the bad.
So maybe my goals should be to continue to shift my need and dependency for human creatures to love me more and more onto the shoulders of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Depending more upon His Church, the Sacraments available to me and my deepening prayer life has to be what fuels my engine.
Still, in all honesty, I am glad today is Friday. I do have to come in tomorrow and cover a shift and so I will miss a party for a friend but I do so with a happy heart. I need to remember, they would not ask me to do extra if I couldn't do the basics.