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Thursday, April 15, 2010


The State of Nebraska ROCKS!!!

Granted, I feel sorry for those people who maintain that being 'Pro-Choice' means hiding the truth about abortions from the general public. I understand why they don't want people like me to speak out, or for the medical facts to take center stage, or why they wish to speak in euphemisms in order to soften the fact that an abortion kills a baby.

However, I am grateful that there are places in the United States that acknowledge what is done to the humans involved in abortion. I am grateful that there are places where the Truth is allowed to take center stage so that the people can make a real choice.

An abortion kills more than a human being - it kills the soul of the mother one bit at a time. I am not talking about mortal sin (though, for a Catholic, that has to be taken into consideration). I am talking about the feelings one has to ignore after they have the abortion. I am talking about the sadness, the depression, the increased chances of developing alcohol and drug addiction, the inability to trust people and the deep, deep grief a woman feels when the whirring of the machinery stops and the 'providers' tell her to just go on home, she may feel some cramping, but the problem is all gone now so be happy...and for GOD'S sake do not come back here and ask someone to comfort you.

Do that once or twice and try to justify why you got the abortion in the first place.

I know that, when I lived an immoral and ugly life, I was not happy. I was frantic. I ran around with a crazed kind of abandonment, declaring that I was living a life of freedom all the while drinking more, taking more drugs and becoming more and more miserable. When I got pregnant, I was terrified. I was terrified because there was my sin staring me in the face and how could I let anyone know about it?

So, let's just get an abortion. And everything will be fine fine fine.

Only it wasn't - because I didn't want to live the way I was living and I didn't want to be that woman who killed her baby because it was easier than being a responsible, adult, repentant grown up.

That is what I became and it almost killed me.

When I got sober, I tried to rationalize my actions by saying, "I am sorry I lived such a horrid life but I am so glad I was able to get a legal abortion because what if I had had to go to a backroom butcher of some sort? What then?"

See, I didn't want to ask, "What if I had had to say to myself, 'OK kid, you are pregnant and it is time to shape up and do the right thing?'".

I mean, my father would have SCREAMED at me. My mother would have CRIED.

But my babies would not have died...and I might have been a better person sooner than later.

When I had been sober for some time I realized that what I was really feeling was shame and guilt and sadness over the loss of my children. When I went to a Women's Center in Berkeley to find a counselor, I was told that talking about how bad I felt about my abortions might 'ruin it' for other women.

Finally, ten years ago, I found my way Home to Holy Mother Church. Through Her I found Rachel's Vineyard. Through that apostolate I found healing and redemption.

Today I can say with all honesty that I regret my lifestyle AND I regret my abortions. I pray for my children every day - the four I killed and the one I lost when my husband died - and I look forward to seeing them in heaven someday.

Today I am a real woman who understands what having a choice should be: give women the TRUTH about what they can expect from having an abortion and then let them decide. Don't tell voters you want to prevent parental notification in order to protect young girls in abusive situations and then give abortions to 13 year olds with 26 year old 'boyfriends'. Don't pretend you care about women when what you really care about is a hugely profitable industry.

Stop lying to us.

Thank you, Nebraska, for being what America should be and is too afraid to be - thank you for caring about me.

1 comment:

Christine Trollinger said...

Amen! and let me say again...Amen!