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Monday, October 19, 2009

I am truly blessed

How great is the sweetness which a soul experiences when, in the time
of prayer, God, by a ray of His own light, shows to her His goodness
and His mercies towards her, and particularly the love of Jesus Christ
has borne to her in His passion! - Saint Alphonsus Liguori (1696-1787)
Bishop, Doctor of the Church
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It is true, what St Alphosus Liguori wrote. I know it is true because I have experienced it.

There are these incredible moments in prayer when one is just transported into what can only be described as a complete and total understanding of God's Love. It might only last for an instant but it will permeate every aspect of your being, your soul will feel on fire with Love and you will know that despite all that people say about you, you are doin' all right.

I wish that I could always be above the petty want that every human being has: we all want to be loved, to be accepted. I think, and I may be wrong, that the longing for a connection is imprinted on our souls at the moment of our conception - it is our natural longing for God. But, being frail humans that we are, that longing gets perverted. Instead of being focused on our Creator, we become focused on other humans. We want Mommy and Daddy, we want boyfriends or girlfriends, we want people to like us...and we forget that precisely because those whose unconditional love we want are incapable of giving unconditional love (they are, after all, limited by their own humanness) we are destined to be disappointed. We are destined to be rejected. We are destined to be hurt.

I think that's why God chose to empty Himself and take the form of a slave. Think about it. I mean, it is fabulous that He loves His creatures so much that He was willing to give us all a second chance after our first parents rejected Him. Yet, if He wanted to that second chance could have been accomplished by a thought. Instead, God pays us the ultimate compliment - He takes the form of the very creature that rejected Him in exchange for a lie (you too can be like gods) so that we would never be able to say, "But You don't know what we go through here, slugging it out, one day at a time, trudge trudge trudge".

He does know, because He did it too.

He was hungry, He was thirsty, He became frustrated with our lack of understanding or acceptance....He was rejected by those who saw themselves as so much better than Him.

I turned to Him, asking Him for some sort of guidance regarding my life and what happened at yesterday's Mass?

I received Him in The Eucharist and felt myself begin to fill up...to heal from the toes up....I experienced a total enveloping in Love that St Therese has spoken of in the past. And in my heart I heard, "I do take all, if it is offered to Me. Do not fall for the false doctrine of My lost children. I take it all, because you have given it to Me".

The struggle I have felt over the past week - the Little Way teaches that no matter what I am doing, be it staying on my food plan or washing my hair, I can do it out of Love for Him - has been mocked and attacked. One of the LOM(s) on The Hive (the one who is convinced he has a lock on Christianity but also believes Jesus became a member of the Baptist church founded by St John the Baptist) has just denigrated me for sharing my experiences with offering as much as I can to God. I am, in his words, vain for wanting to make the health journey I am on a gift to Our Creator. Well, he got to me...and I kept praying and praying...and I received my answer.

Never would I claim to be a mystic or to hear voices or see The Blessed Mother in rock. What I do know, however, is that every question is answered. Sometimes it is answered in music, sometimes in the words of another....but it is always answered. And yesterday, in the fifth pew from the front at St Joe's in Modesto, I heard my Savior's voice in my heart.

Now the tough part: I have to commit to this every day....not stop...keep going.

Please, I ask you all, keep me in prayer.

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