I have always tried to be open and honest about the struggles I have with staying sober. Anyone who is an alcoholic like I am an alcoholic does struggle. We may love God, we may be totally dedicated to Jesus Christ and His Church but the very nature of the disease means that we are fully concious of the gift that is our sobriety, and that it comes one day at a time.
Tonight I am witness to the obvious deterioration of another alcoholic and the sad part of the entire thing is that we (us in AA) HAVE a way out. It is not easy but it is simple. The problem is, as Clancy I. has often pointed out, most alkies would rather die than do what AA requires us to do....there is nothing fun about having to put aside resentments and anger, to actually go against what the culture teaches is your 'right' to do. However, just as Catholics have to be willing to go against the culture of death, so do members of AA and when we don't the punishment is swift and sure.
It is not punishment from a governing body - AA has no 'Sobriety Police'. Rather, it is a punishment we inflict upon ourselves. We grow angry, defensive...we see plots and conspiracies everywhere and we become very righteous in our demands for justice and vindication. Eventually, we drink. It is a simple as that - the punishment for not following spiritual principles, for going after our enemies with teeth unsheethed and claws sharpened, is another dance with John Barlycorn.
LOM has gotten worse and worse and my heart is breaking for him. The latest is to cook up - out of the BLUE - accusations against me. He is stating that I wrote horrible things about another person on The Hive, which I did not and I am pretty sure the woman is intelligent enough to know I would not. Heck, if I have not written horrible things about HIM why would I write horrible things about HER?
He is not dangerous - he is an alkie dying of alcoholism and there is nothing anyone can do. No human power can relieve people like us of our disease. Our help must come from a Higher Power but we have to be willing to do what that Higher Power suggests in order for us to sustain our sobriety. That means when people throw sticks and stones we must pray. Even justifiable anger is not good for people like us.
So I sit quietly, eating my lunch at 3:30 in the morning and I think of Chase. That brave little boy. I want him and his mommy and daddy to get their trip to DisneyWorld. If you can, please help...if you cannot help financially, please pray for him and the whole family.
Lord, let us be able to give them this gift of fun and silliness in the Happiest Place on Earth. Because it won't be long before Chase is in the Happiest Place in the Universe - standing before You, Lord, and being received into the Beatific Vision.