Whoever does not love does not know God. Why? Because God is Love. What more can be said, my Brothers? If one did not find one word in praise of love through this epistle, nor the least word through out all the other pages of Scripture, and we heard only this one word from the voice of the Spirit of God: Because 'God is Love,' we should seek for nothing more.
-- St. Augustine
Normally, I do not go to a 12 step meeting on Sunday nights. I used to go to the fellowship down the street from my house but LOM attends those meetings and I really figured it would be better for me and for him if I did not attend. And I can say, with all humility and honesty, that I was thinking of the newcomer and his well being when I made that decision about seven months ago. First of all, I know the mind of a newcomer. The man would feel compelled to 'share' and correct' anytime I had shared my experience, strength and hope. Then, I would be forced to listen politely to anything he said even though I doubt he is sober and know he is mean, manipulative and bigoted. SO, better to take the high road and just stay home on Sunday nights. Besides, I have to leave for work by 8:30pm on Sunday evenings anyway and the meeting starts at 6 and is over at 7:15pm. That leaves precious little time to eat, put on make up, put on my grown up supervisor clothes and leave for work.
But one of my sponsees, a very special woman, has been having some problems with someone that goes to that fellowship. She needed to talk with the woman, to find out if there is anything she can do to make their relationship ok or at least comfortable enough so that the little snit doesn't find it necessary to badmouth MY sponsee at every meeting she attends. That's right, folks, it is not all sweetness and light in our program of recovery. I always like to remind the women I sponsor that the name of the organization is not "Well Adjusted People Anonymous".
My sponsee didn't ask, but I knew she needed some support and so I offered to attend it with her tonight. I hoped, in my heart, that LOM wouldn't show up but he did....and sat opposite me at the meeting. And I thought, "Lord, after the week I had can we please make this one better?".
I specifically asked my Guardian Angel to shield me from the gaze of the chairperson of the group so I would not get called on.....and I wasn't. Thank you, Jesus Christ!!!!
And I did not share and I did not meet his gaze and I did not speak to him after the meeting.
Good for me.
My friend Debra (fabulous writer - check her out at http://www.debralegg.com/) contends that I am either an eternal optimist or like banging my head against a brick wall. I think it is a bit of both. I hope (always) that someone will understand my arguments enough to say (at least) "I never thought of it that way. You have given me something to think about, thank you". And it nags my pride when they don't. I had high expectations for this man when he went to rehab the last time so my discovering that he is just as pigheaded and dishonest as ever makes me sad.
So, my self-imposed exile is good for me. LeeAnne, my sister in Washington, thinks so too. She has tried to share with LOM as well without success.
My vacation starts in four days. I am going to hear a fifth step, go to the doctor, work on my script AND go study at Francsican.
LIFE IS SO GOOD.