Google+ Followers

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

God, relieve me of the bondage of self

I cannot imagine anyone taking anything anyone on The Hive says seriously any more. I am trying to just make one or two intelligent sounding posts - even if I think they are seriously DUMB after I read them - and get out. The place is a quagmire of sin - people are too mad, too angry, too drunk, too something...I don't know.

Anyway, my friend has made it to day 4 of continuous sobriety and God bless his heart if he is not like any other newcomer around the tables of AA. He is going to become a motivational speaker, join Matthew Kelly in his work, do it with his drum set, write a novel, win back his family, lose weight and go on tour with Ceili Rain. In other words, he is exhausting to listen to right now, and I just have to grin when he rambles on and on about everything he is going to do.

I suggested he meet with his sponsor and work the steps before he makes a stab at becoming a world renowned Catholic motivational speaker with a drumkit.

I was going to write a novel, lose 200 pounds, marry Keanu Reeves and move to Chicago.

I now live in Modesto, have lost 50 pounds, am not married and think Chicago is way too cold.

I did write my screenplay but it is in its first rewrite stage so it doesn't count yet.

I work for law enforcement.

How did any of this happen?

Look, some of this is because I am coming up on my sobriety date and I never feel good around this time of year. I am just smashed in the face with all the horrible things I did to mess up my life, how I could have really done something with my talent and now I am stuck in the Central Valley working graveyard shift for a place where management hates my guts.

Then I stop and think about how I have spent the past 17 years. I have gotten to travel and speak all over the world. I have come Home to Rome and been reunited with my Higher Power. I am now a published author. I am consulted by people who think I know what I am doing when it comes to life in general.

So what if E and V hate me? Look at them...two very weird women with strange ways of viewing the world. I guess, in a way, I should be grateful that people like that don't like me.

So, I continue my prayers that I be relieved of the need for people to love me or like me - that I learn to empty myself and be the slave to Christ that I know I should be and that I be willing to keep my eyes on the prize.

You know, I am very happy that the friends I have (people like DJ and Ana and Rene and Claire and so many others) think I am worthy of respect - because they are Godly men and women. I do not take the ones who love me for granted; oh no...rather, I am grateful for their love.

Really.

So I keep my little glitches in feelings mostly to myself and make a concerted effort to say THANK YOU LORD for my life today exactly as it is...I wouldn't change a thing, even if I could.

3 comments:

Robert Stanford said...

I was very appreciative that you posted what you did on my drug law post.

I really felt that it helped the situation and also kept my post alive without no one actually reading it.

Isn't that enough?

Christine Trollinger said...

We hank the Lord for you too Leslie. Your a keeper.

Dean said...

You are such an inspiration, dear friend, about how one should live a faithful life. When I think of a dedicated, faithful, and courageous Catholic, you pop right into mind. Thank you for everything you do!

You remain in my prayers, my friend...

Pax et bonum.