Absolutely amazing. I can be so at peace and then the dumbest stuff blows into my tiny world like a hurricaine. The household is disrupted, the people living there are angry and mean words fly around and I just get defeated. I get defeated in spirit, my energy plumets, I get a horrific headache that has settled in behind my eyes and I just want to cry.
All over skateboards.
I am officially tossing in the towel over the skateboarding pre-teens in my neighborhood. My mother is being vilified, she gets testy with me, I get my feelings hurt - all because the little darlings must not be made to pop wheelies on the asphalt on of their own homes or up at the incredibly perfect park that is two blocks from our houses - no, they must be allowed to do it during the day when I am trying desperately to sleep and they must be allowed to do it in front of my house.
So I just give up.
In my childhood, if a parent or adult went to your parents and told them you had done something wrong you were immediately given the benefit of guilt and the penalty was swift and sure. Perhaps five or six years later they might ask for your side of the story but at the time, it was assumed you were a guilty little brat and soundly punished.
Well, the adults today are products of that system and it is reflected in their parenting styles. If their child is criticized in the slightest they sue, they get in the adults' faces, they defend their little darlings to the maximum.
Somewhere there has to be a balance between these two extremes, but like most Americans, the people in my neighborhood have thrown the proverbial baby out with the virtual bathwater.
So I give up.
I don't care anymore what they do or where they do it. I will not expect to be treated with respect or have any of my needs considered. Of course, I cannot live that way with them because of my religion - you know, that religion that is made fun of by some of the more verbal jerks in cyberspace? Well, see....that religion has me focused on heaven and I cannot get to heaven if I treat these little creeps and their loser, creepy, upscale, middle-class, spoiled parents the same way they are treating me and mine.
Peace at any price? Maybe. I am just too tired. I hate the central valley and its pius, hypocritical, once-saved-always-saved-so- now-I-can-call-you-names-and-pretend-the-Catholic-Church-is-the-problem mentality. I have never lived in a place so rife with hypocritical crap - oh, no...I'M a Christian because I just try to love everyone...unless I disagree with you or don't like what members of your Church did in the frickin' middle ages and then I am going to spew venom in your face, let my children treat you and your family like field hands they can beat and rape at their pleasure and it's all ok - see, I believe in Jesus. I am saved.
I am tired. I am so tired. Life is not all bad. I spent the evening in a room full of people honestly trying to get to Truth, who are open to ideas and not mean when they ask their questions or share their doubts. It was 90 minutes of Love and it helped.
I didn't help that I had to process records for a horrendous death last night - someone was decapitated in a car accident, leaving a man trying to make a living as a big rig driver in horrible emotional pain and a family without a father, husband,brother or son. The pictures were pretty bad....but you know, just pile more work on us...after all, we are simply lazy civil servants and who cares what the clerks think anyway?
It doesn't help that times like these feel as though Satan is winning.
There were over 100 thousand people marching for life in Washington DC...over 30 thousand in San Francisco on Saturday...in the national media? No coverage. You know why? Because they would have had to report that only 250 pro-abortion people showed up in SF and less than 1000 showed up in DC. The numbers each year at the March for Life are growing.
Well, it stands to reason. See, we are the ones having children. The proabortion people are not. Eventually, our numbers will be greater than their numbers. It's like all the Muslims in Europe. They are having lots of children. Europeans are not. For heavens sake, do the math.
Oh well. I am going to work on the screenplay tonight. I want to actually finish the project. I don't care if no one but Susan reads it. I think she is one of the smartest women I know so if she thinks it is good, then I will be very pleased.
Lord, make me a channel of your peace......where there is hatred...let me bring Love.