Deciding to become a non-smoker again was not such a difficult decision. The cigarets were starting to taste bad, I was starting to spend too much money on them and they were making me smell icky. So far, well into day number 3, and I do not feel like killing anyone or even slightly wounding them. I did, however, find it impossible to sit through J's lesson on Virtue last night during RCIA. It had nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with being nervous about the fog that I saw creeping closer and closer to the building. I hate driving in fog. I especially hate driving through fog at night. I had to do both in order to get to work, so I left at 8pm and started on the road about 45 minutes earlier than I usually do on Monday nights.
Driving up over Altamont Pass was a smart move. Again, it was not a difficult decision because when I came up on the Grant Line Exit off of 205 the entire area had disappeared into thick, gray clouds. There were weak lights gleaming through the fog. I figured if one cannot see WalMart or Burger King from the freeway, one should keep driving.
Once I got onto the Altamont - clear sailing. In fact, there were no problems at all going the rest of the way into Martinez unless one counts having to enter the Danville Grand Prix that is the 680 freeway a problem. I grew up in that area. I can handle my own, though it has been a long time since I had to do it driving such a light, tiny car. 50mph is a boon, but I still feel like I am driving a skateboard.
I got two more evaluations done as well as my December letter to the gals I sponsor. One of them drank again over the weekend and I am discouraged about her ever being able to find real sobriety. She wants to be sober. She cannot get that it is the first drink that gets you drunk. It does not help that she is married to an abusive Bozo (yes, as a matter of fact, he does wear a bright orange wig and floppy shoes...he wears them to meetings and we all know he is a clown) but as our literature states, it is not the externals that really matter. Job or no job, wife or no wife....I have seen people spend their first 6 months to a year of continuous sobriety living in an abandoned car in the parking lot of a fellowship. I've watched the sober drunks crawl out from under the bushes to make the first meeting of the day and get that first cuppa joe...and then I have watched them wash up in the bathroom and go to their job as a Walmart greeter - which, as I understand it, deserves hazard pay.
I am very sad right now for Fr Illo because he has been smacked on the head by our Bishop. God bless Bishop Blaire, but there are times I long for the days of a real tough cookie of a Bishop - a Fulton Sheen, say - who is not afraid to say, "Yes, we are Christians but by GOD we are CATHOLIC...." and to say it with pride born of humility.
It is safe to say that God wants all people to be Catholic. I can say that because I know that He founded one Church and He would like us all to be worshipping in it together. I also understand that, human nature being what it is, that is probably nigh on impossible. One nut on the Modesto Bee wrote that she 'became Jewish' because the website at St Joseph's wasn't up and running during her 'spiritual journey' (uh, ok). However, being a Catholic means something - or it should - and it is sad that today we have good priests standing up for life and for fidelity to teachings and they are being told to be more diplomatic, not so hardline...blah blah blah.
Oh well. We will get through this..just like I will make it through one more day without a cigaret. And it only has to be one day at a time, right?
St Cecilia, pray for me!