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Friday, February 22, 2008

Not Sleeping, pain meds, drunks and post abortive women

Not sleeping and why Drunks should be careful of Pain Meds

I have never had an unusual reaction to vicodin, until today.

In the past, it always made me sick to my stomache and then put me to sleep. Well, this time it acted like speed. I cannot sleep. I just went through two ice packs, which are re-freezing as we speak, and I have watched all the shows I had on my DVR and read my email and sent one to my sponsor and my ex-sponsor and I cannot sleep worth a darn.

Now I understand why people do not like vicodin. Having never had the experience of it acting like speed before, I could not for the life of me figure out how someone gets hooked on it. I am not saying I did not believe my friends who have had trouble with this drug in the past. It just never affected me in that way - and now I am wide awake, sore as hell and worried. Worried about work, mostly, and how my boss now thinks of me. How is that for paranoia?

I did make up a gratitude list, however, and it helped. I am so grateful for all of you, my friends, who read and comment on my blog. I am grateful I have a job with benefits and my car insurance is paid up and I have so much time on the books at work I can take the next 24 hours off from three different sources - sick leave, administration leave, personal time or vacation. That is pretty fabulous, when you stop and think about it.

I am concerned that the work is getting done and the extra burden I put on the clerical staff by being in this accident. Yes Yes Yes - I know I have no control over that but they are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish it had not happened.

I am going to play some cross word puzzle games on line to try and quiet the mind so I can sleep. Lord, again, I am so grateful I was not seriously hurt and that no one else was seriously hurt. I am so glad that my angels were with me.

I just wish my shoulder, neck, back, ankle and hands would stop hurting.
offer it up, Leslie....Our Lord is really drawing me close in suffering, I guess. I wonder what kind of car I should get?

Lenten Meditation for today? Let yourself be loved so that you may love those who cannot feel the freedom of God in their lives.

Please keep the women of Rachel's Vineyard in your prayers today. And allow yourself the freedom to learn about a different perspective - do not be afraid. God to the blog Mtthew's Mom here on Google and read the story of a post abortive woman who had the courage to finally confront her pain.

I too am one of those women who fell for the lie. The drugs and alcohol that saturated my life made me think that killing four innocent babies was my right, because it was my body. I say 'was' because I now know that is one of the big lies I bought. It was all wrapped up with the idea that true liberation would mean I would get to act like an immoral man without any consequences....see, men don't get pregnant so they can have sex with whomever (or whatever) they want, right? Somehow, I made THAT behavior - indiscriminate, stick it anywhere without any thought of who or what you may be creating - equal liberation. And what did it get me? Four dead babies, feelings of lonliness, disgust and despair....and how did my liberated friends deal with that? They told me I was foolish to feel that way - and that the only reason I did was because the Church had brainwashed me.

Later, I realized that these same people would go to the ends of the earth to protect a tree or the egg of a California condor......but think babies are disposable in the name of freedom. They will allow people to dress a woman manequin up in condoms as a way to advertize their liberation and see nothing demeaning in that (after all, aren't we just recepticles for men? sperm depositories? no different from them and therefore we should view our bodies as something to dress up in condoms for their amusement?)

What hypocrites.

But I have forgiven them, and myself, because of the work done by people like Lee Anne (one of my sisters). And today I can look at these same middle-aged women who still spout the party line and say, "Take my Rosary off your ovaries? Not on your life.....and not on your babies' lives either. This is MY freedom, remember? So get used to it....I have been liberated."

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