Up until 10 days ago I had pretty much escaped the hacking nightmare so many friends have experienced. Then, through sheer stupidity on my part, I allowed access to my Instagram Account to individuals who can only be described as depraved and heartless.
The storyline of my Facebook page - linked as it was to my Instagram Account - was flooded with obscene images of men having anal sex, stripping to reveal frontal nudity and other disgusting insights into a world I left decades ago.
And if I ever want to evaluate how far I have come in my sobriety and my spiritual life, it is looking at that world I once thought was so avant garde and edgy and seeing it for what it is - a world full of lost souls begging for love and settling for sex.
The next 10 days were spent working with META to regain control of my Instagram Account so I could just delete it and start a new one, shrouded in privacy controls. I would have to watch my FB account get violated over and over again, staying on top of it to delete pictures and videos that are no longer indicative of me in any way, shape or form.
Thank God for my friends today - for they spotted stuff and let me know immediately (Robert, you are a treasure!).
Couple this stress with the very public meltdown of someone I love dearly and all the stress and worry that caused and I will tell you this was a week that tested every aspect of what it means to walk with grace and dignity.
I did okay.
I cried only in front of two people. I shared what I was going through, I went to God with all my fears, I spoke with my mentor and got sage advice and guidance. I did not ADD to my loved ones misery but was firm in my refusal to get pulled into the crazy. I had my feet put back on the path to loving them without enabling them and I did it...It was bumpy and cost me some sleep but I did it.
And when sleep eluded me I went to God, to the Blessed Sacrament, put pen to paper (literally) and offered what I wrote to Him. I sent Angels to the people I loved and asked those Angels to battle demons plaguing what are really good people at heart. They are simply lost.
I also changed all my passwords and added another layer of security to my Facebook.
The Spiritual and the Practical can mix. Taking actual real time steps and coupling that with prayers and petitions before the Throne of the Most High God are tools for people like me. Being honest with my own terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair is essential because without that honesty I cannot rid myself of these terrible four horsemen that could lead me back to alcohol. I want to be a sober woman of grace and dignity. I do not want to be a cowering, angry woman-child driving people from me because of my narcissistic behavior. I want to bring light to wherever I go, to see smiles when I arrive not fear on the faces of people who love me because they don't know what could happen THIS time.
Facing my character defects this week has been mind boggling. You'd think I would be floating on a sea of tranquility after 30 years of being sober but apparently the answer to that is no. Thank heavens for my Church, my tribe, my God.
And please, JimmyG, can you not step out of the endzone this week?
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