What a gift I was given last night!
Recently I have been talking with a young woman struggling with the disease of Alcoholism in much the same way many people today seem to be struggling with Diabetes. She knows what she needs to do to begin a solid recovery process but she just cannot seem to sustain the action. Being undisciplined, she begins with renewed vigor but then slowly fades away until finally she is left with her own restless, irritably and discontented view of life. This leads to the need to drink alcohol which, for her, provides instant relief from those awful demons that attack when people like her and I are stoned, cold, sober.
We have been talking. I am not her sponsor in the program I use for recovery. I have simply been a friendly ear on the other end of the phone, sharing with her my struggles and my resistance to the happiness the mode of recovery I have chosen offers.
She asked me why I am not pushing her to go back to Church. I explained that I was sharing with her as a member of a specific group of people and that our Traditions ask me to simply share that my belief in and intentional subjugation to a Higher Power does not require me to have her do the same; rather, I can only share what I have learned and experienced.
Apparently, she shared that with her family and her father took real exception to whatever it is she shared with them. He demanded the opportunity to speak directly to me and it was his call I received last night.
WHAT AN AMAZING GIFT!
He was a bit belligerent when I answered. Normally, I do not react well to that - come at me with all four feet and I will baseball bat you into submission. Do NOT try and bully me. I grew up with a narcissistic father who demanded that we all agree he may not always be right but he was NEVER wrong and I chafe mightily under that shrill, pound-your-fist-on-the-table manner of communication. Now that I have reached the ripe old age of 65 I find it absolutely unacceptable and do not allow that in my life from ANYONE - including myself.
However for some reason an inspiration hit me (thank you, Guardian Angel) and instead of responding in kind, I actually paused and collected my thoughts. I then asked him, "Before we begin this conversation, would you pray with me?".
There was a long pause. "Okay", he said. And so I asked the Holy Spirit to descend upon us, to open the eyes of our hearts and the ears of our minds, and to allow us to hear each other so that our conversation would be fruitful, in the Name of Jesus, amen.
And what a conversation it was!
He heard me tell him that, as a member in good standing of this funny and weird group of alkies, my main focus is to never be a barrier to any potential member who wants to join us on this path. I told him that my experience is that any drunk that decides to do this deal we have will find their way to Truth, but that they cannot do that in an effective way if they cannot get sober, physically sober. I shared with him my personal journey and how if anyone had told me my first day walking among this Group of Drunks that I would be a life-professed lay member of the Dominican Order, a certified Catechists, a coordinator of children's Faith Formation for a Catholic parish in 28 plus years I would have ran as fast as my fat little legs could have carried me to the closest dive bar. "Phew!", I would have thought. "Close call!". In other words, I would probably be in jail or dead today.
I suggested to him that his daughter had been given a good foundation by him and his wife. If he trusted the God he worshiped then trust that he had given her the information she needs to fall in love with that God, once she is sober and firmly on a path of health and love.
Now, I don't know if I convinced him of anything. I think, at the most, what I did was just calm him down and maybe make things a bit easier at home on the daughter currently struggling to put 3 or 4 days of continuous sobriety together. I hope that is the case and I hope I hear from her again.
For me the gift I received was the gift of being able to practice the principles I have been taught and to do so without me getting all twisted up, angry, defensive and feeling like a failure. I did it without feeling put upon. I did it in a way that MY Catholic Faith Tradition emphasizes.
That accomplishment is what I see as a gift this morning. It wasn't me, it was Him. Of myself and by myself I am an angry, commode-hugging drunk, waving my arms and demanding your loyalty and shouting my truth into your face.
With Him I am a real evangelist. I am truly spreading the Word of God.
Well....at least I did it that time - and that is what I am going to celebrate because my ability to do that was a Gift of the Holy Spirit.
For that?
I am gratefu.
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