Another Day, Another Dog Show

 Another Dog and Pony show hit my social media feed this morning - two, in fact.  One was shamelessly promoting what is false, the other happily promoting what is twisted and sick.  

Scroll on By, people...Scroll on By.

The beauty of social media is, I believe, the freedom people have to express themselves.  If they want to claim to be something they are not?  Go ahead!  If they want to promote something that IS not true? Right this way - the circus tent has a space for you.  If one decides to be a part of social media all they have to do is enter the Circus Tent. 

I enter on a regular basis.  I also am becoming much more discerning as to which of the exhibits gets my nickel.  When I see someone promoting themselves as something I know they are not, my nickel goes into another cup.  If I spot someone on a high horse about something they want to be true but isn't QUITE the truth, my nickel stays in my pocket.

This morning I heard a podcast that spoke to the idea of God's Voice being the Voice of Conscience.  I often times ignore that voice.  I hold tightly to self will and am convinced I know the better way.  Instead, what I have to be comfortable doing is to let those without the same values I hold dear reveal themselves because then I know who gets to come and sit in my table in the cafeteria.  The posse I have today may be a motley crew but we are a principled one.  That table is open to anyone but its standards are impossibly high.  The good news?  The ones sitting there fail on a regular basis but have the guts and integrity to say,"I am sorry.  I am willing to try again".  We don't lower those standards.  We just keep trying.

Being comfortable with others' bad behavior is such a fine line to navigate.  I think of those who walked this path before me and what they would do.  I hope I am doing what they would want, I hope I am discerning and praying for those who have gone astray and care more about themselves then the good of the whole.  I hope my own anger and hurt feelings over injustice done to me and my loves doesn't prevent me from being loving and kind to those who run into that field filled with nuggets of false gold.

And I hope I can remember to not be lured into complacency by my own wonderful life.  I can grieve those who are beyond redemption and pray that those being tempted can resist that shiny fools' gold,  but the only creature I can control is me.

Thank you for not abandoning me, God.  Thank you for never thinking I am beyond help.  Help me by granting me Prudence and Wisdom.  In the Name of Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I beg for these virtues.

amen.

October 13th - Ask for Prudence and Wisdom.

 I spent a week back in Philadelphia with Adrian and a bunch of crazy AKC Dog and Scottie people.  I loved every minute of it.  It meant wet, cold feet, barking dogs, running around as a gopher for the handlers but it also meant being sunk right into the middle of people who love canines and want only the best for whatever breed they have claimed.  For me, it is the Scottish Terrier.  Lola didn't win anything but I still feel like it was a good week because I learned so much.

I was also able to get far away from the drama happening in the recovery world where I live.  That people I once held in such esteem have chosen the path they have chosen, have decided to believe the worst of me, has really hurt.  To have to just surrender all the ugly that is going on there has been tough because I have been gaslit in ways that made me question my own values.  So getting away from these people for a week was soothing for me.  They get to do whatever they want.  I do not wish them ill but I cannot wish them well - they have hurt and will continue to hurt too many people.  A wise priest gave me an assignment of praying for me to forgive them and that I am willing to do.  I do not want their treatment of me, no matter how unjust and hurtful, to keep me out of heaven.

Today I heard a homily by Bishop Barron that got me thinking of what I pray for every day.  I usually pray for my nephew to find a good Catholic woman to marry so that he can have a family and might even include me in it in the appropriate manner.  Today, however, I heard the message of the Original Testament and the Gospel and realize I should only be praying for two gifts from the God of my understanding - Prudence and Wisdom.  

Now I can still pray for Ryan to find the woman who will be the right wife and mother for him but for myself I need to ask for the Grace I need to view Life from the 'vantage point of the First Cause'.  I need Prudence to know what principles need to be applied and Wisdom to know when to apply them.  My problem is I am naive.  I take people at their word and, while my motives may be good, causes me to not exercise my brain as I should.  With the gifts of Prudence (the Queen of the Virtues) and Wisdom, I can grow in the way of The Lord, I have a better chance of joining my loved ones in heaven some day.

So today I ask for God to give me those two things, just like King Solomon. Prudence and Wisdom - let me love these more than wealth, health and acceptance.  Let me love those more than human beings.

Oh...and let me also pray for the Niners to finally win a Superbowl this year.

I'm far from perfect.......

Reflections as We Head to Fall

 Already the air is different, crisper and with a slight chill.  We probably have some more hot days lurking around the corner but it is definitely time for the season to change. I welcome the cooler days.  I may be a California Girl but 115 degrees in the shade is not fun for this Irish/Italian kid.  I am surprised I do not burst into flame.

There are other changes on the horizon - Lola has her first foray into the big show arena in Montgomery.  I don't think she will take the Scottie world by storm but I am hoping her potential mate, Drogon, will be there so we can seal the deal.  After talking with Joanne, I am going to aim for a breeding in January.  That would mean puppies in March or April.  She feels it would maybe add to Lola's frame so even if she is not finished yet she would be a little more mature looking and we could get her finished after that - she is so pretty, that I cannot imagine her not getting her championship.

So I have to get her all tested and registered with the OFA.  Do I sound like I know what I am doing?  I am going to assure you - I do not.  I am following in the footsteps of those wiser than I and hoping for the best.  Thank heavens for the generous people in my life who share their opinions and knowledge.  

I will be entering this winter season in a different mind frame.  Letting go of those who have let go of me is harder than I thought it would be because of my own character defects.  I want to be loved - everyone does - but learning to respect the boundaries of those who have decided I should not be in their lives is important.  They are human beings with inherent dignity and I need to honor that so, even though it will be difficult, I am going to focus on the silly parts.  It will save me a lot of money and time. 

Football season helps.  Go NINERS!

All in all, I cannot complain one iota about my life.  I have such a rich and full one, a life of such color and promise.  I get to laugh and hear the music of the spheres, walk around free and feeling that sunlight that comes from the Grace of God.  Now I just need to be worthy of that Grace - impossible, of course, but it is important that I try.  God wants me to partake in His Glory - who am I to turn Him down?

Claiming Yourself

 This past weekend was my fiftieth (that's right - 50) high school reunion.  Of course I went.  Of course I was nervous. Of course I had a lovely, lovely time!  It was wonderful seeing people and how little we have really changed beyond growing up and becoming good adults.  We were good kids.  Silly, dopey, a tiny bit rebellious but all in all we were good kids and we have entered into our 'twilight years' looking pretty darn good.  We are nice people.  I am so glad I went.

For many years I struggled with who and what I am, careful to reject labels that seem too trite.  However, some of those labels do fit today. I am a woman who speaks her heart. I am someone who tries her best to tell the truth all the time, at least according to my own perception.  I am willing (today) to listen to another's perspective and to give them the honor they deserve as children of God.  I will respect their thoughts on a subject but I reject the idea that their reality is the only one worth honoring.  Mine is worth a nod or two of love as well.  If that means our worlds cannot coexist, so be it. As an old friend would say, "No harm, no foul".

Getting together with people I had not seen in a long, long time was a balm to my soul.  It has been a long season of loss for me, and I am not just talking football.  I think, and I do not mean to tempt fate, that I am on the road to healing from all that loss.  I am making real strides.  I can feel sunlight.  I can smell roses.  Life it good.

Thank you, God, for helping me walk this path.

People Tell You Who They Are - Just Give Them Time

 Yesterday was a national holiday in the United States - it was Juneteenth, a celebration long held dear in the Black American Community and one that I was introduced to back in 1975 as a Freshman at CAL.  I was pleased when this became one of our new national holidays - it is one that should bring people together, to celebrate how our country tried to do better, once it knew better.  

For the most part, I read positive statements about Juneteenth.  But two people, both who crow loudly about being Born Again Evangelical Christians, posted things that were so horrifically racist it made me sick to my stomach.  I pushed back on one - he called those of us acknowledging the holiday 'stupid' and I will not longer allow people to call me names - but the other was so ugly, and the string of 'ha ha oh you are so funny, man' posts that followed gave me an insight into people I am both glad and sad that I was given.  Glad because I know to just avoid them.  They are what we call White Trash and they are dangerous.  They are the type of men who will gang rape a Black Woman or blow up a church with Black children inside.  Sad because these guys sit in rooms with me declaring their sobriety and their deep love for Christ.  It makes me just weep for them, because their are so off track and they are declaring it to the world on the internet.

Why did this hurt me so much?  Why can't I just ignore ugly people, scratch them off my list of friends and go about my business?  

I had to look at this and be, like St. Teresa of Avila suggests, stern with myself.  I realized these posts reminded me of the father I had and how difficult it is to love someone who is mired in such cultural ugliness.  It made me realize that these two men are so fear driven that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to view their existence through the lense of 'I am inherently better because of the color of my skin'.  That they are lost right now - lost to the Love that Heals ALL things....but they think they are SAVED and can walze into heaven whenever they die because they said a magic prayer.

Because I am reading through the Gospel of John with Jeff Cavins, I have been challenged to think about the service Jesus did for Judas.  He washed his feet too.  He knew what that man was going to do, the events that would unfold as a result of the betrayal and the hatred for his fellows Judas had in his heart (his dismissal of Mary for washing the Feet of God, for instance) and yet Jesus washed that man's feet.

Tall order.

These men that posted these horrible things think they are funny, conservative men defending America.

And it made me so sad...because I know they are damaged.  I also know how hard it will be for them to change.  

My Dad never really did - and died alone.  He had me, and because of The Church I loved him while hating the sins he committed.  He returned to Christ before he died and I trust that my Dad is on his way to heaven, which is why I continue to pray for him every day.

So I guess the answer is to continue to pray for them as well, and to remember that through Christ all things are possible and their salvation is possible as well.  Stand ready to serve them.  Love them anyway.

God help them, today and every day.  And God help me not to hate them but to love them as Jesus loves them....