Trying Hard - Is that the problem?

 Gratitude maintained in the face of depression is a full time job. It is a job that can help others and sometimes that is the only reward.

I am grateful today. I am also sad.  I am sad because the fragile family I had when my mother was alive fell apart and I failed to keep it connected.  Unlike her, my personality was either too strong or not strong enough. It doesn't really matter. 

I miss her.  I miss my grandmother.  I miss decorating the house and welcoming people into its cozy space. I miss it all and I understand that, while that time of my life has passed, it is okay to miss it.  People change. Life is not stagnant. I am okay.

My hope is for those who have what I want.  I hope their lives are fantastic.  I hope they get whatever God wills for them and that they accept it with the grace He provides.

I am going to go have coffee.