Catholics are called to love the unlovable. This is difficult. As a group, we are no different than the rest of humanity when it comes to doing difficult things in that we generally stink at it. Sure, we can point to 2000 years of saints who have managed to do the tough stuff, thereby demonstrating that a) we aren't all bad and b) difficult stuff can be done. And I am grateful for those saints who walked towards heaven before me because it does give me hope. I am not discouraged by their example, I am edified. I get that their path can be mine if I would only be willing to let go of that which blocks my ability to be like them, to be like Christ.
An examination of my conscience shows me what blocks me from this lifestyle - the saintly path. No matter how I twist it or turn it, the reality is people annoy me when they will not behave like, think like or otherwise approach life as I would have them do it.
Look, I am not particularly proud of this aspect of my personality. I may want to say, "Look at me, I am such a curmudgeon. Just like St. Jerome or Chesterton, right? I don't suffer fools lightly, ha ha!" but that is really not the reason. I get annoyed at them because they mirror back at me that which I find annoying about myself. Smugness. Self-Satisfied Egoism. A highly developed sense of personal justice. In other words, selfishness and self-centered behavior.
Frankly, I am just more aware of it than they are (so there) and I usually am able to keep my self-satisfied smug observations to myself (or find a humorous outlet for them - like making fun of people who put pineapple on a large doughy substance and call it pizza).
This alone was a hard fought battle. For years I thought I was asserting my RIGHT to say what I THINK and the rest of you better RESPECT that right or ELSE. That got me a lot of angry ex-friends. I had to pause and re-examine my behavior and look at what I was doing in the greater context of being a member of the Body of Christ. The conclusion I came to was that I do have RIGHTS but unless I am exercising those rights in LOVE I am an empty barrel. And Sister Virginia Ann at Christ the King used to say that empty barrels make the most noise. I was making a lot of noise but to what end? What was my purpose?
That lead me to a deeper reflection as to what my place in the universe is supposed to be and man, that can cause a lot of sleepless nights.
Eventually, I realized that my purpose as a Catholic is to BE Jesus Christ in the world. I could not just pick bits and pieces of Him. I couldn't shout at someone and then declare that it was okay to do that because Jesus turned over the tables in the temple and so got angry. I couldn't ignore someone and say that was okay because Jesus did not, at first, acknowledge the woman asking for help by making a rather insulting reference to dogs (frankly, she was one badass woman, standing up to God the way she did...BOOYA!). Rather, I had to look at the mission He charged the Apostles and, by virtue of my Baptism, me with and then ask myself how I can best be effective in the world. If I am merely making people angry, then what good am I doing? If all I am doing is confusing people or hurting their feelings, or laughing at what I perceive as their studied ignorance how am I being effective in the world?
I also have to acknowledge that I am going to fail at this mission on a regular basis. St. Thomas Aquinas teaches that we never rid ourselves completely of venial sins but he didn't then advise us to throw up our hands and say, "So WHATEVER" and keep on sinning. I have a Sacramental Liturgical life of which I can avail myself and the graces I receive from those Sacraments give me the power I need to keep my big mouth shut when I read one more media post from a Good Catholic that reading makes me feel like I am biting on tin foil. They are struggling too. Responding won't help their struggles. They may need to suffer the losses I did before it dawns on them to pause and reflect. They may never pause and reflect. They may remain smug until they stand in front of Jesus.
Okay.
This may, in my eyes, make them difficult for me to love them but you know what? Too bad. I am, as a Catholic, called to love them anyway. That means keeping my mouth shut unless they are really out of line (like going against Church Doctrine or falsely accusing the Pontiff of something). As a Dominican, I must be willing to speak Truth but it has to be spoken in Love.
My prayer today is simple: Lord, help me to treat people as You would treat them. Help me love them in the way You loved me when I was at my worst. Help me to demonstrate to them how merciful You are in all things.
And help me to keep my big mouth shut.
Amen
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