I guess I have to face it.

I am no longer a good, solid Catholic woman.

I do not accept conspiracy theories of cardinals.  I do not think Church Militant is a solid source to check on Church Teachings.  I am singularly unimpressed with Taylor Marshall.  I am not registered as a Republican voter.

These are, according to so many on social media, the criteria for being considered a good Catholic.

Forget that I shout loud and clear that I affirm and believe as true all that Holy Mother Church teaches and proclaims to be Truth. Forget that I made a life commitment to follow the Rule of St Dominic as determined by the Order for those of us in the laity.

Nope.

None of that matters any more.  

What matters is now is that we worship the ground of people who focus on tearing apart The Church because they are convinced everything done since 1955 is the work of Satan.

My heart breaks for them.  I weep, not just because they are determined to push people like me out of The Church but because they are jumping feet first into the fire and they seem to love the heat.

After watching the riot and attempted coup yesterday at the Capitol building, and then reading the shaky explanations of people who consider themselves so much better than the rest of the Catholic crowd use the same rhetoric used by those who tried to explain away the riots over the summer, I have come to the conclusion that Pope Emeritus Benedict the XVI is correct.  The Church is going to become smaller because those who want power right now care only for that..Power.

The far right and the far left share so much.  To stand against both seems to be the fate of us who abhor violence, believe that it is possible to work for true social justice, who cannot stand the worshiping of a man in an elected office and think life is sacred and must be protected.  It is scary.  It frightens me when people who used to love me now hate me because they feel I am lost.  Yet their criteria for me being considered 'back in the fold' goes against everything I have been taught, everything passed down to me from the Apostles.  They seem to care more about a politician being in power than the Body of Christ.  They won't ever take responsibility for what their group is doing.  Whether it be under a banner of Trump 2020 or Black Lives Matter, all they care about is getting their own way and anything else is 'evil'.

Granted, I am so sickened today that it is difficult for me to see any light.  However, I know the light is there.  That is my faith.  I do not have to see it to trust it is there.  I don't have to feel it to know His Love is warmth and mercy.  I don't have to demand justice at the top of my voice, deny bad behavior, champion a desperate and paranoid man who has never pretended to be anyone other than who he is or walk away from The Eucharist because others huddled around it are trying to push me away.

I am not, in their eyes, a good and faithful Catholic woman.

Perhaps I should be happy about that....because I know that Jesus is helping me through this dark period in our history.  I know it and I trust it.

So, all you out there who can't stand that I am still here?

Tough.

I am not going anywhere.