Friday, May 1, 2020

A Last Responder

I saw a news report last night.  It was from our local affiliate so I trust it.  The report involved an interview with a woman from the Sacramento area who is a mortician.  She shared her experiences of volunteering in New York City and the heartache she witnessed.  The young lady is on her way home to California where we have had more success battling Covid19 (less deaths being my criteria for 'success).  She will be in quarantine for 14 days and then return to her practicing her profession here.

When she referred to herself as a 'Last Responder' my heart broke a little.  I got tears in my eyes.  Not because I am afraid of death.  I'm not; I am a Catholic.  We are not afraid of myths, we are not afraid of legends and we are not afraid of death.  No, my eyes filled with tears because I had never considered those who help us navigate that which must be dealt with when a loved one dies as a Last Responder.

The title gives a certain dignity to the profession I had not considered until now.  I thought of the people who helped me when my husband died, when I found my father dead in his home, when my Uncle Jerry passed away and I realized how very kind, thoughtful and efficient they were during those times.  I was hardly at my best.  I made decisions as best I could, did the next right thing in front of me and turned to my Faith and my family for support but honestly if you had asked me to balance my checkbook during any of those periods I would have looked at you like the RCA Victor dog (wha???).  The members of the Funeral Profession guided me with grace and with impeccable manners.  Burdens were lifted that I didn't even know had been placed on my shoulders.  What they did was good. 

I think about my biggest fear right now and it has to be that one of us in this household were to become ill and have to be in the hospital alone.  My mother is 98 years old and she is very healthy and alert but she is someone at risk for this virus.  If she were to become ill and had to go to hospital at this time she would be there alone.  I, on the other hand, would be in jail for trying to force my way into said hospital.  This would throw a damper on my possible run for City Council as a member of the American Solidarity Party, unless I can spin it as 'look how much of a family oriented person I am?' kind of thing.  I will have to talk the gang about that; it might work.

Today, life is so strange and people are so angry and afraid.  I have lost so many friends - not to death but to anger and resentment and the discovery that we are way too far apart in our philosophies to ever consider being able to even agree to disagree.  We have to part as friends...and for someone like me who battles the need to be adored and loved or at least liked by everyone this is tough on me.  It has taught me to really be a woman of integrity - to not give in to the fuzzy thinking and illogical crap being thrown around and to respond with humor, teasing and my best logical arguments.

And as I have said, here in California our battle has not been as horrific as it was in Italy and New York.  Our President has praised our Governor and the two of them are, in my opinion, doing the best they can in a difficult situation.  I am not a supporter of the present administration but I give Mr. Trump a lot of credit for bringing in experts and then listening to them.  He is, in a way, a wartime president and I keep him in my prayers.

Yet even with our success none of us, whether it is as a result of Covid19 or a car accident or dying of old age in the comfort of our livingrooms (I want to live long enough for my Niners to revenge that SB loss), are going to avoid interaction with that Last Responder.  Our families or friends or maybe strangers will have to rely upon the Last Responder to help them navigate our preparation and our burial.  Those men and women will be taking care of us and we need to remember them for what they are - valuable members of society.

I salute you.  Thank you for your service.

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