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Thursday, January 3, 2019

Once Again - It is NOT all about ME

Man, you would think I would get tired of finding out that another person's problems relating to the world has nothing to do with me.   Truth be told, however, that discovery continues to bolster me because my default position is always, "What did I do to make them mad?' followed closely by "How can I make them love me again?".    While some may not see the character defect of pride and self-will in this, I do and so I am always glad to (first) recognize that I do not do this as often as I used to and (second) to quickly recognize when my interpretation of another person's behavior has been incorrect.   I love it when I find out I am not alone and that it is NOT all about me.

When a person struggles with selfishness it can take all kinds of forms.  The assumption that someone is acting like a goofball because they don't like me or because they want to hurt me is simply one of those puzzling aspects of selfishness.  To immediately process another person's bad behavior as either being caused by or targeting ME is being selfish.  Like that old joke (but enough about me, what else do you want to know about me) a selfish and self-centered person just automatically sees the world as one giant game board with themselves as the central piece.  Everything revolves around me, right?

The stages of my development into being a grown up can be looked at as steps towards walking away from this type of thinking until that thinking began to actually change.  Stress brings it back - usually acute stress - but most of the time, now, I can watch quietly as someone I know or love makes bad social choices and not just leap to the 'what did I do to upset them' default.  Learning to say "Not my circus, not my monkeys" over an over has helped.

It seems to me the danger is to not ignore my mistakes: if I do something wrong and cause another person to act out in a way that causes me and others hurt or harm, then I better be willing to step up and take responsibility.

The biggest mistake I make today is venting to someone inappropriate - not necessarily that they cannot be trusted; rather, someone who because of their own issues tries to correct a situation and shares what I vented to them in a moment of frustration with the wrong person.

SO....when someone asks me what my New Year's Resolution for 2019 is I am going to honestly say this:  I resolve to be more circumspect in my personal venting.  I am going to be very cognoscente of who needs to hear my frustration and who doesn't and I am going to take advantage of those people in my life who can be trusted to listen without sharing it with anyone else.

Did you note I did not write "listen without judgment"?

Well, guess what...I hope for feedback from these trusted individuals.  I want them to tell me when they are afraid I am off the beam or when they think I handled a situation right.   I need the help.  I trust them for a reason.

Besides, being judgmental towards me is fine.  I like it best when you judge that I am fabulous but I understand that it could go either way.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

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