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Friday, December 29, 2017

2017 - A Year of Gratitude

Life is not easy.

This is a truism with which I have been raised.  Both my parents survived the Great Depression and a major World War.  My mother's parents were immigrants and had to endure all that implies.  My father was raised by people afflicted liberally with the disease of alcoholism and in an incredibly harsh and cruel environment.  He was a combat veteran, which changed him in ways I will never fathom but with which I can sympathize.

We have had tough times this year.  My family has dealt with violence, sadness, the ending of relationships and the breaking of old ties.  We have lost people we love and kind of expected to be around forever.  We have not escaped from 'ups and downs' of every day living.

Life is not easy.

No one can call me a tough cookie.  At best I am a woman of grace and dignity who struggles with feelings of inadequacy and lots of fear.  I am well aware of my character defects.  I take things too personally and I am quick to try and protect people that are not needing protection.  In other words, I am wound too tight and my saving characteristic of being able to make a dark joke out of virtually any situation saves me more grief than I want to admit.

Life is not easy.

2017 has been a year of amazing changes.  I retired from an employment I had with the government for almost 30 years and started a job with my parish, doing things I have never done before but using skills I developed in those 30 years.  I stayed sober.  I am selling my family residence and moving to a gated community - and I am not a gated community kind of girl (though I once was in danger of becoming a resident of the kind of gated community that only lets you out after you have been there a specific period of time, or demonstrated 'good behavior').   I have lost a bunch more weight.  I lost a friend because I would not participate in their crazy behavior and I witnessed crazy behavior from people I love more than life itself.   

Did I mention I stayed sober?

Life is not easy.

Today I am going to say good bye to 2017, knowing that escrow does not close until January 4th and I have movers coming January 7th and cannot move into the new house until January 16th.

I am going to ask you all for prayers - not because I think I won't make it but because I know I will, but I want to make this change with grace and dignity and my head held high.  I want to be charming and loving and funny.  I want to care about you more than I care about me.

Life is not easy.....

but ain't it GRAND?

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