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Wednesday, May 4, 2016

May 4, 1992

I have no idea why, when I came to that morning, I went 24 hours without a drink.

That in and of itself is not that big a deal.  For two years I had been able to go 24 hours without a drink several times.  What I couldn't seem to do is go longer than 28 days without a drink. 

So May 4th, for me, is not the real miracle.

The real miracle day is JUNE 5th.  On JUNE 5th woke up and realized I had not had a drink or a drug for over 30 days.

I began to have some hope that day - hope that I might be able to really do this deal, to actually live my life without alcohol or cocaine or meth or marijuana or anything else that softened the lines of reality and made it bearable to live in the world.

Six months later I wanted to run people over with my car but that was my disease - the disease of alcoholism - kicking in with a vengeance. 

Most people think alcoholism is all about drinking - that is definitely a big part of it but I have news for you..if you hate being sober, if being sober hurts both mentally and physically, then you might be an alcoholic.

If, when you do drink, life becomes tolerable again, then you might be an alcoholic.

And if, when you do take that life saving drink you suddenly feel the urge to take another, and another and another until you have once again cause havoc in your life...then you might be an alcoholic.

I am an alcoholic.  The Holy Trinity is my Higher Power.  I am healed of the need, one day at a time, to take a drink and for that I am grateful.

Today is May 4, 2016 - and today I celebrate 24 years of continuous sobriety.

Thank you, God.

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