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Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Where do I go from here? Discernment, Dominican Style

St Thomas Aquinas wrote:

“The will of God cannot be fully known to us. Hence, neither can we fully conform our will to His. But we can conform it in proportion to the knowledge which we have…” (DV 23.7).

It is difficult sometimes to think of what I do as a "vocation".  I don't devalue what I do, I just find it difficult to view the office job I have as a way to fulfill God's Will in my life.  Surely, my desires to be a famous actress or world respected and renowned writer is my true vocation.  Surely, suiting up and showing up at an 7 to 5 government job five days a week cannot be what God had planned for me when He formed me in my mother's womb.

However, as I grow older I come to realize that I truly cannot ever fully know the Will of my Creator.  What I can begin with, however, is the knowledge of His infinite love for me.  I can start with the firmness of belief in His boundless mercy.  Beginning at that point, I can begin to look at my life and my responsibilities as a surefire way to express my love for Him - a love I freely choose to have, and freely choose to give.

I may have a love for performance and I may even have a talent for the same, but I cannot ignore my other gifts.

I have a gift for administration - the ability to look at a situation and ferret out the best way to deploy resources to achieve the stated goal.  If those resources are human beings, I have an talent for deployment that honors their humanity.  In other words, I try to be fair and I try to be honest with what is placed before me to use.  If someone is great on the phones, that is where they are going to be working if I have my way.  If someone is fantastic at numbers, spreadsheets and using Excel (something I can do but not very well) then guess what?  They are going to be trained to use the phones so they can do so in an emergency but their primary work is going to be creating the reports I need to give the information to my boss that she needs.

I am good at what I do, even though I never planned on being good at it and it does not particularly interest me in the same way I love Broadway plays or a great concert. 

This ability I have is a gift from God.  I did not ask for it and I have only recently learned to appreciate and cultivate it.  I wasted too many years trying to be someone I am not or ignoring the opportunities to use this gift.  I am deeply sorry for that wasted time.  I regularly ask God to forgive me for doing just that and I know He forgives me....in fact, He would prefer I not bring it up anymore.  What's done is done, now get to work.

If you can discover your gifts, your talents, your treasures then you have a better chance of aligning your will with the Will of God.  And while St Thomas is right, and we may never completely understand God while alive on this earth, we can move closer to Him by being what He would have us be - happy with what we are doing, and determined to do a good job with what we have in front of us.

Today I hope to be the best I can be - happy, healthy and determined to do right.

Please keep me in prayer!

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