I am just not good at being sick.
Certainly, part of the reason I am not a good patient is that I hate suffering. I will never, ever become a canonized saint in the Catholic Church because of this resistance to suffering. I don't like it, I don't willingly choose it (as some of our more heroic brothers and sisters have done before me) and I don't like doing it alone.
More important than a dislike of suffering, however, is my emotional reaction to being ill. The worse I feel physically, the more sensitive I become emotionally and it is often a really good idea for me to just lie quietly in a dark room, watching Dr Phil or Netflix movies, playing Farmville2 than it is for me to interact with other human beings. If they flick their eyes wrong, I want to burst into tears. This makes it very difficult for me to be a grown up. It also makes it difficult for me to overlook slights and upsets.
What I have learned to do during these kinds of times is two fold:
1. concentrate on my Catholic Faith
2. keep the focus on me and my faults
In other words, I make a deliberate and intentional act of the will - I intentionally forgive those who hurt my feelings and I intentionally pray for their highest good. I may not like them. I may no longer love them in the way I once loved them. I may no longer trust them. None of that matters. What matters is I remember that I am, essentially, unlovable and untrustworthy in many people's eyes and have not been forgiven by them. Therefore, unless I want to take an action that directly flies in the face of Catholic Teaching, I better forgive and move on.
I look for wonderful articles to read. I found this one:
Written by a young woman who grew up in horrific circumstances, it made me smile today. It allows me to see how wonderful the family to which I belong can be and what a refuge it is for those who find it.
It allows me to keep myself in perspective, to see how my own peccadillo's and problems have affected others over the years and how I am really no better than the worst of those who have offended me.
More important, I think, it reminds me of why I am who I am - a sober, struggling Catholic Out Loud - and why I continue to walk this path rather than jump off onto the easy peasy road marked "Evangelical Protestant - Be Your Own Pope, No Questions Asked". I don't want to do it the easy way - I want to do it the Way.
So, that being said, enjoy the article. Read about another woman's journey.
And thank God for your own.