On May 4th I celebrated 21 years of continuous sobriety. Thanks to 12 Step, 12 Traditions, a Church that guides me and God who loves me more than He wants me to like Him I have a life today that is second to none.
I do not have, however, the life I wanted. Heck, I don't even have the life I STILL want. I want a life free from financial concerns. I want a life that includes a united and loving family. I want the people I love to go to heaven. I want to be taller.
The lesson I am learning every day is being happy does not have to include having what you want all the time, nor does it mean a life free from trouble and strife, worry and turmoil. I am learning that being happy means I am focused on one thing and that thing is my path to heaven.
Not being of the mind that all paths to heaven are equally valid, I do wish those I loved would join me on The Way. I understand, however, that this is probably never going to be a reality I experience. Over the weekend, my friend Terry told me about a letter written by an elderly uncle of his years ago lamenting how none of the children were actively practicing the Faith when only a short time ago their own ancestors were willing to die to defend it. We know that Faith is the same. Methinks it is the people that have changed. Rather than defending the Eucharist to the death, they are willing to defend to the death their right to walk away from Him in the name of freedom and political correctness. That is just plain sad.
Today I know that being sober allows me to look at history, my life, my behavior and what is going on around me with a clear head. That, however, is not enough. It is not enough for me to look at things without being muddled by alcohol and drugs. I must always be willing to look at life with the eyes of Faith. No matter what pops up in the news, I have to ask myself, "How is the Holy Spirit at work in this situation right now?". That is not always easy, as I am a sentimental woman with an overly developed sense of justice. I want what I want when I want it and it is because I am right, doncha know.
Well, no matter what I know today I am sober. I am willing to not drink for one more day. I can see clearly now and I know that whatever rain may fall in my life it is probably a good cover for the grace that falls all the time - and I, no matter what, will be ok.
Please hold my intentions before the Blessed Sacrament today. My heart aches for some loved ones who are going through hell without the comfort of Jesus and His Church. I know what that is like - and it sucks.