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Monday, May 13, 2013

Follow Up and Follow Through

My post about family really hurt my nephew and my niece and that was not my intention.  However, because I try to live by a code that states that loving is better than being loved, understanding is better than being understood, I took the post down.  Why make a child upset?

I could easily have argued the finer points of my argument and pointed out what I was saying but why bother?  Again, being understood is overrated.  Being loved and admired can cause flares of egomania.

Suffice to say I am fully aware of my own shortcomings and how I am viewed by people.  I get my place, I accept it and as I have stated in the past the freedom from the bondage of self is amazing.  Letting go of the need to be loved by human beings is a long and drawn out process and I would imagine it will take the rest of my life here on earth to work through the various levels of dependencies and fantasies and needs that bind me to this earth.  I get it.  I still would like to have season tickets in a luxury box for the Niner games.  I would love to own my own home in the country overlooking a river but high enough up from it not to be flooded out every other season.  I would still like people to love me.  Some stuff is never going to happen and other stuff may but it should never be my goal.  My goal should be to satisfy my hunger for love by striving for closer communion with Jesus. 

So there you have it.  I have been spanked again and I have been forgiven.  Time to move forward.

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