The Shame of What Happens

"“…Crises are what drive the Church. ‘The best indicator that Christianity is about to experience a vast expansion is a widespread conviction that the religion is doomed or in its closing days.’ Over and over again, the doubters have confidently predicted the end of the Church, only to be overwhelmed at the next moment by a sudden burst of Christian energy.”

Mike Aquilina


There is nothing that can be defended about pedophilia. Anytime a Faithful Catholic tries to explain to someone why they remain Faithful Catholics despite the scandal, it always sounds lame.

A great deal of that is because it is difficult for those who do NOT believe in The Eucharist to understand why that may be the single reason for us never to walk away.

The Eucharist is the source and the summit of our Faith.

Popes come and go...some are good and some are downright scandalous and others have made mistakes. I don't know if what is being touted in the media about Pope Benedict sitting on the scandal of the boys who were molested in Wisconsin until the priest involved died is true or not. I have learned years ago to not take anything spouted about the Catholic Church by MSNBC, the New York Times or any other secular newspaper as the final say. The reports are often distorted, often right out lies and many times the formal language used by The Church is misunderstood. So I cannot comment on that information because I have no idea if the information is correct.

Here is what I do know:

According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, which includes crimes that were not reported to the police, 232,960 women in the U.S. were raped or sexually assaulted in 2006. That's more than 600 women every day.

Why do I insert that information here?

I tell you why - if I was to use the same logic and reasoning being screamed at me by anti-Catholic bigots and apply it to this statistic I would never want any male to be allowed to vote, drive a car or leave a lock-down facility. They are too dangerous. There is way too much potential for damage to women, girls and little boys. Males should be allowed to live, of course, but must be carefully monitored so that they can be used for heavy lifting and breeding purposes but never, never, never be allowed out in the world to roam free.

If I was to use the same reasoning and logic, I could state that it is not religion that is the cause of wars and strife (as so many atheists have claimed) rather it is the distortion of the teachings of religion by men that have caused the wars and strife. It is men who are raping women in the Congo and Dafur. It is men who are strapping bombs to their bodies and blowing up people in the market place. It is men who are pouring gasoline over other men and raping their wives in front of their children because they will not give up The Eucharist and become Muslim.

See, the problem with the "I hate the Catholic Church Hierarchy" argument is that it does not allow for any room for error, for possible distortion of information, for any logic other than "This is about raping children, which is horrible and so they are horrible...shoot them all". Well, OK...then that makes any man alive responsible for the horrible acts of their fellow men. Why? Because they are the ones who have been running things for so long...remember? We weren't the elected officials, the judges, the business owners...we were the ones getting raped.

We still are...so, you have known this was going on since Adam and Eve left the Garden and nothing has been done to stop it? In fact, it's only been recently in terms of history you even thought it could happen. Don't you all remember Clarence Darrow's 'brilliant' defense of a rapist?

The problem for me is that I hate what happened to those boys, those boys who are now old men tortured by the fact that they tried to ask for help and they didn't get it. I hate it I hate it I hate it...but I cannot leave The Eucharist.

I remember when St Francis was asked by villagers about a priest who was living in sin with a woman and St Francis said he would accept the Body and Blood of Christ from the man's hands and then demand that he change his life.

That's how I feel.

No one wants to look at the horrors of how we treat each other. There are idiots out there who believe that pedophilia is caused by celibacy...that if these perverted men had been allowed to be married and have their OWN victims then there wouldn't have been this problem in the Catholic Church.

oh yeah that makes great sense.

I cannot withdraw completely from this icky, horrid world. What I can do is tell you that the Teachings of the Church are strong and true, Her children are NOT strong and true. We are weak and we falter and we do horrible things to each other. My inability, however, to be a good Catholic does not mean the teachings are false...it means I am incapable of living up to the perfection that is asked of me, to imitate Christ in all I do and say.

And if I want Eternal Life, I am required to try...and then I must trust in the Divine Mercy of God and not fall into despair.

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I have walked in fear because of the threats of LOM for two years. I was so frightened that someone in my family would be hurt when I was gone because I know how cowards act and I know he is a coward. I felt better when Ryan was there because I knew my mother was not alone at night.

I also walked in the fear that no one would believe me, and if they did they would not take my side. Why should they? I have been a drunk, a thief, a liar and promiscuous myself - right? Who cares that I have been walking this path for 17, almost 18 years, because - as LOM kept pointing out - I was once so horrible then I must still be horrible.

When my friend Jeff said he believed me, it was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. I felt like I could breathe a little bit deeper.


When he told me others believed me, I felt like I could stand up straighter.

Tonight, I just feel tired. I just wish I didn't have to be anywhere but home. Sure, it's probably because it's been a tough week. I'm sure I don't feel well because the constant chatter of those who hate my Church has gotten so loud. I keep thinking about the people like me all over the world who are in pain, alone, who have no one to listen to them and it breaks my heart. I am so blessed with friends and support. I am so sad for those who don't have that same love.