"Pride and the power of sin have made it dificult for many people to speak their 'mother tongue'. In order to sing God's praises we must re-learn the language of humility and trust, the language of moral integrity and of sincere commitment to all that is truly good in the sight of the Lord." + Pope JPII, St Louis 1999
Many times in my life I have mistaken humility for humiliation. Sometimes, in my humility I will be humiliated. An example would be when people go elvis on me over my Catholic Faith, when I am mocked because I believe it is possible to give people information at work without trying to hurt them, when I am shocked by intelligent, well-educated people incapable of displaying good manners when dealing with an underling or even a peer. That feeling of humiliation can be a part of humility, but it is not the whole.
In the Modern Catholic Dictionary put together by the late Father John Hardon, Humility is defined as: the moral virtue that keeps a person from reaching beyond himself..that restrains the unruly desire for personal greatness and leads people to a good ordered love of themselves based on a true appreciation of their position with respect to God and their neighbors.
Religious Humility is the recognition of my total dependence upon my Creator, my Savior, the Holy Spirit that brings me life and the ability to walk through this world with grace, dignity and my head held high. Because humility, in an of itself, is not only opposed to pride I cannot just simply engage in self-hatred and call myself humble. It is not about being abused, it is about why I can look at someone and say, "Don't do that....I am my Father's daughter and I am worthy of respect".
Yesterday, when I received the phone call from E that was angry and accusatory I calmed down and then called V, our boss. I chose my words carefully because I do not want to simply rant about E. I want V to know that if I made a mistake, it was an honest one. I am not a stupid woman.
The response from V was to assure me that this was not about anyone making an error but about the lawyer not being clear about what he wanted, about his changing his story, about his ignoring my phone calls and messages. I felt better.
My part now requires me to forgive E for being her usual Ass-like self and go on with my day. I think, part of me, will always hope for a sincere apology from her when she behaves so badly but it will never come. She cannot do it.
What is very sad about this situation is that E is a baptised and confirmed Catholic who has fallen away from the Church and views with disdain all those who are Catholic Out Loud. We are stupid. She is the smart one.
So my challenge today is to be humble and to see Jesus in her face. I am so unable to do this on my own. Without the Eucharist, without the help of the angels and saints, without the protection of Our Lady I would be waiting by the front door for her to arrive tomorrow so I could dump hot coffee on her head.
Not scalding hot coffee, lukewarm....that is worse...no physical damage but your clothes are RUINED.....
Cal beat Stanford yesterday. That was expected....it was the Feast Day of St Cecilia and she is my patron....this morning my poor Niners must play the Dallas Cowboys....May God have mercy on our souls.