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Monday, March 17, 2008

St Patricus and Holy Week

Somehow, I think St. Pat would approve of his feast day not being celebrated during Holy Week. I can't help but celebrate in my heart, however, because he is one of my favorite saints. Not only did he overcome incredible adversity but he never stopped loving people who were cruel to him. Now that is being a Catholic.

I need to use that as my role model.

We were talking tonight about Spitzer's wife and some friends of mine made the comment that they would NEVER do (fill in the blank). They all kind of waited for me to make my big pronouncement about what I thought of her standing stoicly by his side during that icky press conference.

They were suprised. So was I.

See, I gave up saying what I would and would not do in particular situations I have never been in (and never will be in) because my life is NOTHING like I ever wanted or expected it to be...and quite frankly, I have done things when drunk I would never have done sober and I have done things sober I never would have imagined being stupid enough to do.

I guess what I am saying is I cannot judge this woman - she did what she did for the reasons she did them and I am going to keep her and her family in my prayers. Her husband obviously has a serious problem. I mean serious - 80 grand worth of serious - and if he had shoved 80k worth of cocaine up his nose and she had stood there while he apologized people might think she is heroic instead of stupid.

Well, I have been stupid. I mean STUPID - in sobriety. I gave someone 30 grand hoping he would love me...yes, I got conned but no one held a gun to my head and when I felt those twinges of 'somehow what he is saying does not sound right' I just ignored them - anything to be loved.

Now, in the long run it was a good thing. That humiliation (public - I might add) brought me to my knees and brought me closer to God. Today I know I am loved - and I cannot buy it with money, only with willingness to surrender all that I am and all that I want to be to Him, so He can make me what I am SUPPOSED to be, one day at a time.

Today I do not need to stand outside of 12 step meetings and put other people down, in order to feel better about me. I do not need to blame everyone around me for my bad days. I can take credit for what I do right in the right way - I know that anything I have today is something to be grateful for rather than proud of because I would have NOTHING if it was not for the Mercy of a Loving God.

Today I can let people be who they are and yet not be afraid to say, "You do not get to talk trash about those I love". I am not afraid to say, "I do not agree with you and this is why" for fear that I will not be loved.

So, in honor of St. Patrick (or Patricus - his Roman Citizen name, which would make him technically Italian but don't tell the English that) I am going to refrain from stating my opinion of Mrs. Spitzer - instead, I will applaud her for not taking a two-by-four out from behind the curtain and braining the bum on international tv, for thinking of her family and her beautiful daughters, and for being a woman of grace and dignity.

And I will shout, "ALLELUJA!" because it wasn't ME having to go through that crap.

During Holy Week, isn't it fitting that we honor those who suffer?

1 comment:

Esther said...

Amen, Leslie! Very well put. And Happy St. Paddy's Day. :)