What Makes Us Different?

 People like us - what makes us different?

Is it our willingness to forgive so that we might also be forgiven?

Have we learned along this journey that being right is not nearly as important as being happy?

Perhaps. Perhaps both these things are true about us. However, what so many people not like us are surprised by is our strength of character, our refusal to give up the principles that shaped us even in the face of calumny. We can set our faces like flint and walk towards Jerusalem, so to speak, and those who clamor for their own selfish desires to take precedent over what is right are flabbergasted when that happens.

They shouldn't be.  People like us, we were saved by those principles we defend.  We walk through life today, stumbling occasionally and making our own share of mistakes, with grace and dignity because of those principles.  Why would we abandon them?  Because they are no longer fashionable? Because others of our peer group have done so in order to keep the peace?

I look around the rooms I get to sit in today and what I see is the quiet, sure and strong backbone of the American people.  Not flashy.  Not loud.  Quiet and sure and strong.  We are different ages, which gives me hope.  It's not just a bunch of old people sitting around and pounding the table.  Apparently, something about us is attractive and those who long for a life that is truly rich, full and without heightened conflict and passionate discourse are drawn to us.  They want the same.

People like us, we have a tendency to be overlooked.  Not all of us, of course, because some just sparkle too much to be anything other than a bright light.  However, what I see in this tribe of mine is the deep love of the life we have found; one devoted to God and Neighbor.

I get to spend my life today with People Like Us.  I am glad I am shunned and discarded by those who would distort Truth for their own selfish ends.  It woke me up, shook me out of my complacency and made it necessary for me to take action that cost me dearly in the eyes of the world but gained me entrance into a special club, a solid group, a happy herd of fellow pilgrims trudging quietly and certainly towards a happy destiny.  

We will never be invited to share on anyone's Pod Cast.  Maybe only one or two will write a book.  What will happen is we will continue to grow and change and share with each other.

God, thank you for making us different.

The Dream

 I hesitated to write about this recent experience. It will be regarded by some as a figment of my imagination and it may make others angry. However, I recently shared it with a dear friend and it brought her tears of happiness. I am going to err on the side of whimsy and hope it brings you, dear one, happiness as well.

Last week I had a dream about my brother, John.  We lost John last year to Cancer right before Christmas and his 62nd Birthday.

John had a troubled life in many ways. I know he did because I witnessed that life AND I have had the same struggles. We didn't have a stable father and that affected us. I know that John wanted desperately to be what our father wasn't but the same demons our Dad struggled with WE  struggled with and those demons make a peaceful life almost impossible. Like our father, John could be angry, verbally abusive, threatening in the ways large men can be threatening. Like our father he could be incredibly charming and go to great lengths to help you if you needed help. If he was still alive, I am not sure we would have a relationship. I had had to distance myself from him because of his erratic behavior.  It was the Cancer diagnosis that made it possible for us to have a reunion of sorts. For that I am grateful. We were clear at the end. Amends had been made on my part. I still believe he meant what he said to me those last days. I choose to believe that, when he died, he loved me again.

In the dream John was young and healthy and vibrant. He was wearing a Joe Montana Jersey and we were sitting in a coffee shop filled with people, sunlight and soft conversation. We sat opposite each other and his face was handsome a clear and full of love and sweetness.  He reached across the table and held my hands.

John told me he was fine, he was happy and in no pain. He told me how sorry he was for all the years he had treated me like I was dirt, for the awful things he had told his children about me and for the way he had acted over and over again. He told me he wished he had stopped drinking and doing drugs while he was alive. Then he smiled at me and said, "Sissy, thank you for walking me home".

I woke up in such peace. I had happy, joyful tears running down my face. I was just so damn happy.

These dreams of mine are not unusual.  I dreamed of my Grandmother Rose Crocco about six months after she died. I dreamed of my mother a week after she died and I saw her standing in the hallway, outside my bedroom door with huge smile on her face. I dreamed of my husband when he passed away and he was holding our child - it is how I know our child was a boy.  I have dreamed of all my relatives who have passed and the only one I haven't dreamed of yet is my father.  I suspect it is because he still needs my prayers. 

In the world in which I live there is more than just the physical reality all around me.  Someone asked me one time if I believed in Ghosts.  I answer in the affirmative, though I am pretty sure my definition of Ghosts is different from that pushed by the popular culture; rather, as a Dominican, I believe as St. Thomas Aquinas wrote in his Summa Theologica:“According to the disposition of divine providence,” he wrote, “separated souls sometimes come forth from their abode and appear to men. …It is also credible that this may occur sometimes to the damned, and that for man’s instruction and intimidation they be permitted to appear to the living.” 

I did not 'see' John's Ghost. I dreamt of my brother. The encounter we had was free of anger, resentment, fear and self-pity. We were just Sissy and Johnny Jump Up.  We were at peace.

This season I wish for all of you the joy of finding the peace I found in that dream. 

The Election Results

 Donald J. Trump has been elected President of the United States.  His opponent, Vice President Kamala Harris, received 224 electoral votes according the the Associated Press as of 5:59am.  There are still 5 states to call and only one looks like it is going to go Democrat. While Harris did not get as many Electoral College Votes as Mrs. Clinton did in 2016, she still did an admirable job.  

I did not vote for either candidate as I do not support either of the main two parties.  I also live in the State of California so it is a foregone conclusion that my home state will give its Electoral College Votes to the Democratic Candidate.  We may have pockets of conservatives and perhaps we are more of a purple state than full on Democrat but California is still pretty much a one-party-state when it comes to national elections.  

That being said, for the first time since 1917 the City of Oakland's voters voted to recall their mayor.  The voters also threw out the D.A. who was elected on a Progressive Platform.  The reality of a progressive judicial platform is a far cry from what was promised.  Crime rose in such a way in Alameda County as to make the recall of the D.A. a foregone conclusion.  People don't like being robbed.  Business owners want to be protected.  It is what it is...and the election reflected the feelings of the community.

I now pray for the government we elected.  I also pray that those who invested emotionally in this outcome are able to take a deep breath and honestly evaluate how we got where we are today as a society.  What can we do to move forward while honoring the past? How do we make sure everyone has a voice even if not everyone gets their way?

It will be interesting to see who ends up in Mr. Trump's cabinet.  I hope those in my life who have been deeply hurt by the results of this election know that they are loved.  I pray our economy does improve (both candidates promised that so now...let's see what happens).  I really hope the Niners get into the playoffs.

May God have mercy on our souls.

Another Day, Another Dog Show

 Another Dog and Pony show hit my social media feed this morning - two, in fact.  One was shamelessly promoting what is false, the other happily promoting what is twisted and sick.  

Scroll on By, people...Scroll on By.

The beauty of social media is, I believe, the freedom people have to express themselves.  If they want to claim to be something they are not?  Go ahead!  If they want to promote something that IS not true? Right this way - the circus tent has a space for you.  If one decides to be a part of social media all they have to do is enter the Circus Tent. 

I enter on a regular basis.  I also am becoming much more discerning as to which of the exhibits gets my nickel.  When I see someone promoting themselves as something I know they are not, my nickel goes into another cup.  If I spot someone on a high horse about something they want to be true but isn't QUITE the truth, my nickel stays in my pocket.

This morning I heard a podcast that spoke to the idea of God's Voice being the Voice of Conscience.  I often times ignore that voice.  I hold tightly to self will and am convinced I know the better way.  Instead, what I have to be comfortable doing is to let those without the same values I hold dear reveal themselves because then I know who gets to come and sit in my table in the cafeteria.  The posse I have today may be a motley crew but we are a principled one.  That table is open to anyone but its standards are impossibly high.  The good news?  The ones sitting there fail on a regular basis but have the guts and integrity to say,"I am sorry.  I am willing to try again".  We don't lower those standards.  We just keep trying.

Being comfortable with others' bad behavior is such a fine line to navigate.  I think of those who walked this path before me and what they would do.  I hope I am doing what they would want, I hope I am discerning and praying for those who have gone astray and care more about themselves then the good of the whole.  I hope my own anger and hurt feelings over injustice done to me and my loves doesn't prevent me from being loving and kind to those who run into that field filled with nuggets of false gold.

And I hope I can remember to not be lured into complacency by my own wonderful life.  I can grieve those who are beyond redemption and pray that those being tempted can resist that shiny fools' gold,  but the only creature I can control is me.

Thank you for not abandoning me, God.  Thank you for never thinking I am beyond help.  Help me by granting me Prudence and Wisdom.  In the Name of Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I beg for these virtues.

amen.

October 13th - Ask for Prudence and Wisdom.

 I spent a week back in Philadelphia with Adrian and a bunch of crazy AKC Dog and Scottie people.  I loved every minute of it.  It meant wet, cold feet, barking dogs, running around as a gopher for the handlers but it also meant being sunk right into the middle of people who love canines and want only the best for whatever breed they have claimed.  For me, it is the Scottish Terrier.  Lola didn't win anything but I still feel like it was a good week because I learned so much.

I was also able to get far away from the drama happening in the recovery world where I live.  That people I once held in such esteem have chosen the path they have chosen, have decided to believe the worst of me, has really hurt.  To have to just surrender all the ugly that is going on there has been tough because I have been gaslit in ways that made me question my own values.  So getting away from these people for a week was soothing for me.  They get to do whatever they want.  I do not wish them ill but I cannot wish them well - they have hurt and will continue to hurt too many people.  A wise priest gave me an assignment of praying for me to forgive them and that I am willing to do.  I do not want their treatment of me, no matter how unjust and hurtful, to keep me out of heaven.

Today I heard a homily by Bishop Barron that got me thinking of what I pray for every day.  I usually pray for my nephew to find a good Catholic woman to marry so that he can have a family and might even include me in it in the appropriate manner.  Today, however, I heard the message of the Original Testament and the Gospel and realize I should only be praying for two gifts from the God of my understanding - Prudence and Wisdom.  

Now I can still pray for Ryan to find the woman who will be the right wife and mother for him but for myself I need to ask for the Grace I need to view Life from the 'vantage point of the First Cause'.  I need Prudence to know what principles need to be applied and Wisdom to know when to apply them.  My problem is I am naive.  I take people at their word and, while my motives may be good, causes me to not exercise my brain as I should.  With the gifts of Prudence (the Queen of the Virtues) and Wisdom, I can grow in the way of The Lord, I have a better chance of joining my loved ones in heaven some day.

So today I ask for God to give me those two things, just like King Solomon. Prudence and Wisdom - let me love these more than wealth, health and acceptance.  Let me love those more than human beings.

Oh...and let me also pray for the Niners to finally win a Superbowl this year.

I'm far from perfect.......