#ScottieLife

 I have shared my life with a Scottish Terrier since I purchased my first one when I was 26 years old.  That was over 40 years ago and it was a male I named Shaw's Angus MacDuff.  He was a pistol and he was a challenge.  He shared my home for 14 years, dying in my arms of cancer.  I cried and cried when I let him go.  Mac was the love of my life.

In 1998 I purchased a Scottie from a breeder in my home area.  Shaw's Roddy MacDuff was a wonder.  He had 'the chip' - meaning that he had a natural need to perform and get applause and compete.  I competed him in AKC Obedience Trials and for a short time - life 3 days - he was the number one Obedience Dog in the State.  That was remarkable.  The Scottish Terrier is not known for Obedience stuff.  In fact, my Dad once told me that I would never be able to train 'that dog' in Obedience without taking a two-by-four to its head (and I am not sure he was kidding).  Later, when he saw how amazing Roddy was in the Ring, he did a total Dad and took credit for it. "I taught my girl everything she knows and look what she did with that dog!".  If Roddy didn't win, he would threaten to report the judge to the AKC.  

I lost Roddy at the age of 8.  In 2006 he died of Lymphoma and it broke my heart.  He was more than my companion; he was my partner in the ring and the grief was so deep.  

Two years later, I bought Shaw's William Wallace MacDuff from a breeder here in the area.  Duffy was all Scottie.  While he learned basic obedience he had absolutely no desire to compete in anything.  His attitude was that we, human beings, were lucky he wanted to hang out with us at all.  I was his person but he had no problem scolding me if he thought I had overstepped my bounds - like maybe I was 30 minutes late getting home from work which delayed his dinner.  What was I thinking?  

When he was 7, Duffy died from Cirrhosis of the Liver.  I was 23 years without any alcohol or drugs and having to accept the fact that my DOG had an illness than normally killed people like me who keep drinking and using was both ironic and sad.  I cried and cried....I felt like I had let him down somehow because I had tried to save him, subjecting him to transfusions and treatments he didn't want.  He died at the Vets before I could get to him and that haunted me for years.

I knew I could not afford another dog.  I didn't want anything other than a Scottish Terrier.  That is my breed.  I love everything about them - their sassy look, their attitude, their intelligence.....their willfulness.  I have often said St Thomas Aquinas would have rethought his theology of Free Will if he had lived with a Scottie.

My mentor suggested I put my name on the list for Scottie Rescue.  I read up on it and submitted an application.  My journey began with the local club as the wait for a Scottie to rescue began.  I kept being turned down for a variety of reasons.  I became very discouraged and shared with my mentor that I was going to take my name off the list.  "Don't quit - let God handled this", she advised and so, reluctantly, I agreed.  

One night, very late (after 9pm - for me?  That's late), I received a phone call from Nancy, one of the women with Scottie Rescue.  A little guy had shown up at the Stockton Animal Shelter.  He was very beat up - broken hip, broken paw, skin raw in places where he had been attacked while on the street - and the rumor was that he had been tossed out of a car during a domestic violence incident.  I told her that I was not sure I could take him. I didn't have any excess income and wouldn't be able to provide the medical care he needed.  "Oh no", she said. "We would have you adopt through the shelter and then UC Davis ( the premiere teaching university for veterinary science) will provide all the medical treatment."  This sounded promising....and then she said, "They do not usually name their strays brought in but he is so darn cute they have been calling him (wait for it) MACDUFF".

I went to my Mom's room to tell her and she said,  "Oh we have to go get our dog".

Shaw's RobRoy MacDuff came to us that summer.  He's been with me every since.  We chose his birthday to be in September which is just an estimate of his age.  I did a DNA test when I first got him and he is a purebred Scottie but we do not know his line.  His dna/blood sample is now with the Health Trust Database so maybe some day we will find out what his lineage it.  All I know is he is a love bug and very tolerant....I know because.......

Two years ago into his life came a ball of fire known as Shaw's Lilas MacDuff of McPhee.  Lola, the Showgirl has been my introduction to AKC Conformation and all the ins and outs of that sport.  Right now we are waiting to breed her for the first time - that makes her a Maiden Bitch - because I have the chance to become a real Scottish Terrier Breeder.  I have the chance to introduce a line of dogs into this valley that are healthy and strong and the perfect companion for a family that wants a protector and someone to boss them around.  

This breed is NOT for everyone.  If you have a bunch of little humans who have never had a dog, you might not want a Scottie.  If, however, you have the time and patience for a puppy and the household that will respect the breed while loving its personality this is the breed for you.  A Scottie is tough, loving, smart, funny and not afraid.  They are not stupid and they will not tolerate stupidity from their humans.....yes, you can hurt their feelings but they will forgive you.  Yes, you must be the Alpha in your home but they will challenge you.  Yes, they will look at you sometimes like you are an English Spy and they are a Scottish Revolutionary Terrorist but they are the best damn dog on the planet.

My hope is that Lola will give birth sometime in April (there is a 60 day gestation period).  My hope is I will get to keep a puppy and then sell the rest to people who will fall in love with this breed like I am in love with this breed.

The MacDuff Line begins!

New Day New Year = Renew My Heart, O Lord

 I have thoughts running through my head this morning.  I don't know what will make sense and what will not but I know it is important to get the thoughts out of said head and 'onto a piece of paper' - even if this piece of paper is an online blog.

I am blessed.  I am blessed for many reasons but my biggest reason is that I am no longer an Angry Catholic.  I am saddened by those who are but after the past four years - since 2020 - I am firm in my internal commitment to The Church.  I am not Catholic because of a blogger or a priest or a Bishop.  I do not need to go looking for evidence that The Church is falling to Evil anymore like so many Catholics do.  I know why I am here and I know I stay despite the people I meet who seem to want me to go.  

I am blessed.  My health is pretty good for a 69 year old woman.  I am managing my diabetes well and I have lost the appropriate amount of weight and I can walk without too much hitch in my giddy-up.  I can still clean my own home and do my own chores.  I can live on my own and many people my age can no longer do that so I am so happy. I can say good-bye to those who have gone onto heaven and hope I join them someday without wishing it would happen sooner than not.  

I am blessed.  I know who and what I am today.  I can accept guidance from those who are wiser than this gal without worrying that I am losing myself by accepting that guidance. 

I am blessed.  A core group of solid people are in my life.  They are people who share my love for the lifestyle I adopted over three decades ago and appreciate how delicate and fragile it can be if it is not protected. I don't cheapen it by doing a little something here or there....I protect it, and so can hand on what I learn to anyone else interested.  

I am blessed. I don't have to like the people who made life so hard this year with lies and attacks but I can forgive them and let them go forth and wreak their own havoc on their little corner of the earth.  

I am blessed. My dogs are healthy. 

I am blessed by so much.  

I have a long way to go and I intend to renew my vow to walk this path with diligence this year. I want to be kinder. I want to be on it when it comes to my mistakes and correct and apologize quickly so that I do not cause harm.  I want to deepen my prayer life and have sympathy for those who are still Angry and convinced the world is ending tomorrow because some idiot of a priest dressed as a clown and made a mockery of The Mass.  I want to remember that these kind of abuses are allowed by God for a reason - so that people like me, who love the worship described by St. Justin Martyr o so long ago is still handed on with reverence.  It's a tough assignment - to stand firm in the face of failures and do it with love. I have to take on that assignment, though, because if I don't, who?

It is 2025. I am vital and healthy and today the new year begins with the love we show to the Mother of God, the Mother of The Church.  May she continue to walk with me and may I try my best to be like her.... or maybe more like one of her dear friends because I am sure I will fall short of her as my goal.  I think, maybe, I just need to remember that she can be my mother now....and I can hope to be with her in heaven some day.

Entitled Beliefs

 This was the best Christmas I had since my mother's last one - the one where the 'Back East Family' joined us here and we had a big celebration at my late brother's home.  I have decided this Christmas was special and beautiful because I allowed my mentor to point out one of my character defects - Entitlement. This allowed me to focus my prayer for relief from self-aggrandizing so that I can be of better service to God and the people around me.  

I do not have a Santa Claus God or a Sweepstakes God.  When I get something 'right' in the spiritual realm, God does not pat me on the head and then reward me with good stuff.  Rather, I believe that Grace is dumped on the just and unjust alike, all day every day.  If I can become unblocked, if I can actually open that Channel of Peace, then I get to recognize the blessings in my life.  This Christmas there were so many.

A group of people who had been scattered among a crowd that truly was unappreciative of their talents and willingness to share have found each other.  I then found them and I get to hang around them now. At least four nights a week and one day on the weekend, I am knee deep in paradise.  As a result of us finding each other, newer people to our land of hope are finding us.  The Tribe is growing and the love and purpose is so strong.  I could have missed that....

I get to be a safe and supportive place to land for someone I love more than my own life and this holiday season that came in handy.  I could have missed that......

A beautiful woman I have known since birth sent me a message of love two days in a row.  I could have missed that.....

My late friend Karen's family welcomed me into their home for Christmas Eve.......I could have missed that.....

I got to celebrate Midnight Mass with someone I love sitting next to me....someone who was so tired from work but still did that just to they could spend time with me.  I could have missed that.....

I could have missed it all.  I could have refused to listen to my mentor.  I could have refused to face my character defect that keeps me from the sunlight of God's Grace.  By seconds and inches, I could have been one of those bitter old women who sees nothing but sadness and injustice and whines all the time.

Thank you, God, for my life today EXACTLY as it is.....because I could have missed it all and because of YOU?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

What Makes Us Different?

 People like us - what makes us different?

Is it our willingness to forgive so that we might also be forgiven?

Have we learned along this journey that being right is not nearly as important as being happy?

Perhaps. Perhaps both these things are true about us. However, what so many people not like us are surprised by is our strength of character, our refusal to give up the principles that shaped us even in the face of calumny. We can set our faces like flint and walk towards Jerusalem, so to speak, and those who clamor for their own selfish desires to take precedent over what is right are flabbergasted when that happens.

They shouldn't be.  People like us, we were saved by those principles we defend.  We walk through life today, stumbling occasionally and making our own share of mistakes, with grace and dignity because of those principles.  Why would we abandon them?  Because they are no longer fashionable? Because others of our peer group have done so in order to keep the peace?

I look around the rooms I get to sit in today and what I see is the quiet, sure and strong backbone of the American people.  Not flashy.  Not loud.  Quiet and sure and strong.  We are different ages, which gives me hope.  It's not just a bunch of old people sitting around and pounding the table.  Apparently, something about us is attractive and those who long for a life that is truly rich, full and without heightened conflict and passionate discourse are drawn to us.  They want the same.

People like us, we have a tendency to be overlooked.  Not all of us, of course, because some just sparkle too much to be anything other than a bright light.  However, what I see in this tribe of mine is the deep love of the life we have found; one devoted to God and Neighbor.

I get to spend my life today with People Like Us.  I am glad I am shunned and discarded by those who would distort Truth for their own selfish ends.  It woke me up, shook me out of my complacency and made it necessary for me to take action that cost me dearly in the eyes of the world but gained me entrance into a special club, a solid group, a happy herd of fellow pilgrims trudging quietly and certainly towards a happy destiny.  

We will never be invited to share on anyone's Pod Cast.  Maybe only one or two will write a book.  What will happen is we will continue to grow and change and share with each other.

God, thank you for making us different.

The Dream

 I hesitated to write about this recent experience. It will be regarded by some as a figment of my imagination and it may make others angry. However, I recently shared it with a dear friend and it brought her tears of happiness. I am going to err on the side of whimsy and hope it brings you, dear one, happiness as well.

Last week I had a dream about my brother, John.  We lost John last year to Cancer right before Christmas and his 62nd Birthday.

John had a troubled life in many ways. I know he did because I witnessed that life AND I have had the same struggles. We didn't have a stable father and that affected us. I know that John wanted desperately to be what our father wasn't but the same demons our Dad struggled with WE  struggled with and those demons make a peaceful life almost impossible. Like our father, John could be angry, verbally abusive, threatening in the ways large men can be threatening. Like our father he could be incredibly charming and go to great lengths to help you if you needed help. If he was still alive, I am not sure we would have a relationship. I had had to distance myself from him because of his erratic behavior.  It was the Cancer diagnosis that made it possible for us to have a reunion of sorts. For that I am grateful. We were clear at the end. Amends had been made on my part. I still believe he meant what he said to me those last days. I choose to believe that, when he died, he loved me again.

In the dream John was young and healthy and vibrant. He was wearing a Joe Montana Jersey and we were sitting in a coffee shop filled with people, sunlight and soft conversation. We sat opposite each other and his face was handsome a clear and full of love and sweetness.  He reached across the table and held my hands.

John told me he was fine, he was happy and in no pain. He told me how sorry he was for all the years he had treated me like I was dirt, for the awful things he had told his children about me and for the way he had acted over and over again. He told me he wished he had stopped drinking and doing drugs while he was alive. Then he smiled at me and said, "Sissy, thank you for walking me home".

I woke up in such peace. I had happy, joyful tears running down my face. I was just so damn happy.

These dreams of mine are not unusual.  I dreamed of my Grandmother Rose Crocco about six months after she died. I dreamed of my mother a week after she died and I saw her standing in the hallway, outside my bedroom door with huge smile on her face. I dreamed of my husband when he passed away and he was holding our child - it is how I know our child was a boy.  I have dreamed of all my relatives who have passed and the only one I haven't dreamed of yet is my father.  I suspect it is because he still needs my prayers. 

In the world in which I live there is more than just the physical reality all around me.  Someone asked me one time if I believed in Ghosts.  I answer in the affirmative, though I am pretty sure my definition of Ghosts is different from that pushed by the popular culture; rather, as a Dominican, I believe as St. Thomas Aquinas wrote in his Summa Theologica:“According to the disposition of divine providence,” he wrote, “separated souls sometimes come forth from their abode and appear to men. …It is also credible that this may occur sometimes to the damned, and that for man’s instruction and intimidation they be permitted to appear to the living.” 

I did not 'see' John's Ghost. I dreamt of my brother. The encounter we had was free of anger, resentment, fear and self-pity. We were just Sissy and Johnny Jump Up.  We were at peace.

This season I wish for all of you the joy of finding the peace I found in that dream.